Letters are not words!

I got a text message on Tuesday that made my soul hurt. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or sigh melodramatically. The only thing I could think to do was to delete the sender's number out of my phone.

So I did.

All this from a text message? Oh yes. This message was such a monstrosity that it warranted not only a mention in my Facebook status but also a lengthy tirade to all of my friends on the merits of appropriate grammar and, in short, not sounding like ignorant Tucker Max wannabes.

The message read: 'Wan go 2 Strbks w. me? I pay 4 u.'

I had been out with this guy once before. He's 27 years old and has a job – both plusses. Call me shallow, but just based on messages like this I cannot, in good conscience, grant him a second date. Why? For many reasons.

First, letters are not words. Unless you're trying to creep on a 14-year-old on MySpace or signing someone's yearbook in middle school, it is not OK to text, talk or spell this way.

Second, not all girls are like Britney Spears with her endless string of K. Feds and 24-hour marriages. We have standards, which generally include grammar and a higher IQ than a jar of mayonnaise. Bastardizing the English language like this is not going to fly unless you're hitting on a girl with such low standards and self-esteem that she even thinks messages like, 'c u ltr 4 a gud time,' are cute.

I just gagged.

Third, it is never all right to text someone for a date. Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned phone call the next day? When did it become acceptable to rip all of the instantaneous excitement out of dating?

Text messages, IMs and e-mails are far too calculated. Where's the thrill of the conversation? After all, first dates are really just like job interviews. Would you text a potential employer after an interview and say 'thx for the chat hope 2 c u agan?'

No. You wouldn't get a job this way so don't expect to get a date either.

This may work in high school 'do you like me, circle yes or no' scenarios but you're in college now, boys. This is not cool ('kewl'?) anymore. It's juvenile, pathetic and honestly it just makes you look like a lazy, beer-gutted frat boy who spends far too much time playing Halo and not enough time actually interacting with humans.

I, and 99 percent of the rest of college girls, am not as easily won over as Lindsay Lohan on a meth binge or Miley Cyrus, well, any day of the week. We require effort… and properly spelled words.

Gentlemen, your attractiveness comes with an IQ requirement.

We're not looking for the next member of MENSA or for you to cure cancer while blindfolded and reciting War and Peace backwards from memory.

We just want to feel like we matter and when you send us atrociously truncated messages that more closely resemble hieroglyphics than actual words, we don't feel like we matter. We feel like an afterthought that you couldn't even bother to waste time actually spelling out words for.

We need intellectual intercourse before we can even think about giving you the other, arguably more fun kind.

Just call us and be polite and courteous. It'll go a long way. We're not Ann Coulter – we're not scary. There's no need to hide behind an embarrassingly abbreviated text message to just ask us out. Dial the seven digits we gave you and call. Not hard.

Welcome to the adult world, gentlemen, where dating becomes more than holding hands in the hallway, dry humping for six hours and awkwardly watching movies with your parents. This is called adulthood. It's a good thing, I promise.

Embrace it and you won't be '2 cute 2 b 4gotten.'

E-mail: caitlin.tremblay@ubspectrum.com