At the end of the day, you are your own person. And if you don’t want to explain your sexuality or identity for whatever reason, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
It is a relentless and exhausting battle. I live in a pendulum, swinging back and forth between feeling devastatingly numb and debilitatingly depressed. Joy is a fleeting feeling whose glimpses only seem to push me further down the hole, reminding myself that I have not earned happiness.
I’m not always a good person who does good things. I certainly haven’t been in the past. No one can be a perfect person, I know that. But for many years I’m not sure I was even a good one — I’m working to change that. I’m working every day to do better — to be better.