In season 2, episode 4 (“They Shoot Single People, Don't They?”) of “Sex and The City,” Miranda, one of the core four, admits to faking orgasms with her at-the-time boyfriend, Josh, the ophthalmologist. She tried to teach him about her body but she ended the relationship by faking another orgasm to make him feel better.
Between 30% to over 75% of women have faked an orgasm in their lifetime. It’s a phenomenon and, unfortunately, is common amongst women to not beat on their partners confidence. A concept called sexual vocalization — moaning and groaning, followed by screams, instructional commands, squeals and words — is a common technique to fake an orgasm, paired with body shakes, eyes rolling and out-of-control excitement, meant to boost the self-esteem of partners.
But, isn’t faking impairing a partner’s ability to actually learn the women’s body?
1,055 women ages 18 to 94 completed a confidential, internet-based survey where only 18.4% of women reported that intercourse alone was sufficient to orgasm. 36% reported clitoral stimulation was necessary for orgasm during intercourse and another 36% reported that while clitorial stimulation was not necessary, it had felt better to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse.
Even then, they had generated diverse answers to the way they liked to be touched during intercourse to stimulate the clitoris. A common misconception is that sex is easy, but in reality, it’s not. Still, it’s important to learn, because nothing is more disappointing than a man that only cares for his own sexual needs. More than 90% of men usually experience orgasm in intercourse while for women, this proportion is only around 50%. It’s an unfair standard that men get most of the pleasure in sex, while women are left without.
So, maybe there can be an easier way to learn about a woman’s body. You just have to take time to research and pay attention to your partner.
During sex, masturbation or foreplay, the clitoris — often called the clit — is your best friend, whether it’s for yourself or your partner. Make sure to know the ins and outs of this highly sensitive female sex organ because the 10,000 nerve endings are not there just for fun, it is a highly sensitive state, and touching directly on top can be too much for the majority of women. Stimulating the clitoris is what can take a woman’s orgasm to a more mature state; it is the primary orgasmic factor. Pleasure is quite literally the sole purpose of the organ,so make sure to communicate about the way your partner likes it to be touched.
In addition to the clitoris, there are more erogenous zones — areas of the body, beyond just genitals, that are highly sensitive to touch and trigger sexual arousal. Both men and women have various erogenous zones, and they can be anywhere. For women, the primary ones are the clitoris, the vaginal entrance and the perineum — the sensitive, diamond-shaped area of skin between the rectum and the genitals.
These areas are the ones that most partners appeal to, specifically the vaginal entrance because, truthfully, it typically helps out their own arousal.
Secondary zones are just as important: the neck, breasts and nipples, inner thighs and more. These erogenous zones are infrequently focused on. The lower abdomen, ears and back often don’t outwardly appeal to most partners as much as the clitoris or vaginal opening, but it doesn’t take away their potential.
Many partners don’t realize that focusing on these areas are a form of foreplay — prolonged physical or emotional stimulation before intercourse, meant to increase sexual arousal — and can increase a woman’s chance of orgasm. Research has found that one to 10 minutes of foreplay can increase a woman’s chance of orgasm by 40% and that increases to 60% with over 20 minutes of foreplay.
Sometimes, just having a partner isn’t enough consistently. Lots of women suggest adding intimate products into the mix to be able to orgasm as well. There are various ways to be able to please the female body, beyond the familiar penetration.
Sexual intercourse with a woman doesn’t have to be complex, and while the human body is complicated, the time that it takes to see what makes your partner aroused is especially important to any relationship — sexual or emotional.
Don’t fake it anymore.
Amy Aracena is the managing editor and can be reached at amy.aracena@ubspectrum.com
Amy Aracena is the managing editor at The Spectrum. She enjoys reading slow-burn romance novels and drinking iced chai lattes whenever she can.
She can be found at @amyaracenaa on Instagram and @aaracena on TikTok.
