Choose Your Own Column

Let's open this one up for the fans. Seriously, how many interactive columns are there? Not too many here at The Spectrum certainly (Lynn Carter's column not withstanding, see right), so, in the spirit of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books, you, the reader, get to have a say in the way this column is run in the future. Now, I know what you might be thinking, "Corey, this is madness, I'm not a newspaper writer, what on earth can I do to influence you?" I'm glad "you" asked. This is your chance to influence what happens on page five by writing back with your questions, comments, and suggestions; I'll then use a column to respond.

Today's piece will contain offers and suggestions for ways that you can contribute, and since this is the first of such columns, I'll make up questions for you, write them down, and respond to them as though I were actually being asked these questions, and it'll almost be like a conversation that we're having together .

Or, almost like schizophrenia. Moving right along .

I'll preface this next section with a story. I was talking with the Sports Guys in the office recently (yes, everyone actually does refer to them as "The Sports Guys"). They told me that I need a title for my column. I'm thinking that it could be something that inspires a political mindset, like the New York Times' Maureen Dowd, whose column, "Liberties," is one of my favorites with a Sunday morning bagel and a cup of coffee.

The Sports Guys had something different in mind.

They came up with "All Shoock Up" and "The C-Section."

I thought they were mildly funny, but I wonder, would anyone take me seriously as a journalistic commentator if I had one of these titles? Your predictable response is, "Does anyone take me seriously now?" Well, no, but I heard that a professor used one of my earlier columns in a class about Chaucer, so, at least someone's reading, right?

So here goes nothing: You, the readers, the fans, my friends, have the chance to choose my column's title. "All Shoock Up," "The C-Section," my editorial colleague Dan Stein's idea, "Shoock, Not Stirred," or something else, perhaps? Send in your thoughts, and I'll unveil the winner for the last column of the semester, and that will stand at least through April.

The fun doesn't end here, oh no. With each submission, you get to propose an idea for a future column. I'll reserve my last piece of the semester to your concept (provided a war doesn't erupt or anything the day before). The best part is, you will get credit for your idea in the column, so you can tell your friends that through your genius, you got me to write about your pet gerbil Earl. You're the big winner in this, you and Earl the gerbil, that is.

Now to the issues section.

First topic, perhaps, North Korea. You might ask, "Corey, were you surprised at North Korea's revelation that it had a nuclear weapons program?"

I could respond by saying, "No, I'm really not, and the thing that particularly worried me were the headlines over most news sources that said, 'Bush administration stunned by North Korean weapons program.' Now, if I'm not stunned, and the CIA, FBI, NSA, Navy Seals and Delta Force don't work for me, then there is something desperately amiss here."

It doesn't have to be about politics, either; how about, "Is Drew Bledsoe the Messiah?"

Potential response: "I'm going to go with 'no,' here, you really have to walk on water and get resurrected for me to call him a messiah. Then again, he takes this team to the playoffs, I'll reconsider."

Another segment of this interactive experiment could be a rapid-fire section. Today, I'll ask simple questions of myself in the reader's voice for the sake of answering them in a witty manner (hey, you would too if you could). Actually, some are real questions I get fairly regularly too. The format is actually modeled after one of my favorite sports columnists, ESPN.com's Bill Simmons (who, incidentally, gets real questions).

"Corey, is it true that you got a higher SAT score than President George W. Bush?" Yes, by close to 200 points.

"Corey, how can you like the New York Knicks? I mean, they're the basketball equivalent of the Bengals." In high school it was easy, since they were good, now Canada's more lenient drinking age really helps.

"Hey, bald guy, why are you so bald?" It's a stress-related condition called alopecia areata, and I've had it since high school.

"Can I write for The Spectrum too?" Sure, just sign up for the course next semester, ENG 396.

Ok, we have to wrap this one up, so this being a column about popular support, I'll close with a statement about democracy.

The foundation of this great republic is popular sovereignty, the rule of the people. The masses dictate to the oligarchic and aristocratic for the sake of freedom and unalienable rights. This column is as much about you as it is about me. I would be nothing more than a rhetorician spewing concepts and ideas into the void should there be no reader. This is your chance to have a tangible impact on The Spectrum, your student publication, the bastion of the First Amendment, and keeper of the flame of democracy.