???Outgoing Student Association Treasurer John Martin traveled to Albany on Tuesday with a big idea.
???With the New York State budget on the table and the University at Buffalo's fiscal future in jeopardy, Martin, decked out in his trademark TKE fraternity T-shirt, backwards UB baseball cap and designer jeans, signed out an SA van and headed down Interstate 90 to make his opinions heard.
???Martin is proposing a $15 hike in what he calls each resident's Mandatory Citizen Activity Fee.
???Citing his vast knowledge of common business practices and the increase of the national Consumer Price Index over the last four years, Martin said that he is the voice of reason that Gov. David A. Paterson and state legislators need to hear.
???"What we did at UB was essentially hold student-funded events like Fall Fest and Spring Fest hostage in order to get the fee increased because we mismanaged the books," Martin said. "And it worked."
???When informed by reporters late Tuesday that there is no such thing as a "Mandatory Citizen Activity Fee," Martin looked perplexed and scratched his head.
???"Huh," he said. "Maybe that's why they wouldn't let me onto the floor."
???Martin said he had an appointment with Paterson at 1 p.m. But when Peter Kauffmann, the governor's press secretary, was asked about the appointment, Kauffmann said that he didn't even know who Martin was.
???"Was that the scrawny kid with the backwards hat who got kicked out by security?" Kauffman asked reporters with a chuckle. "Yeah, he said he had some big plan for the budget. We get crazies like him walking up all the time."
???Kauffmann said that Martin strayed off from a tour at the capitol building and tried to walk into a closed door session of the state senate. As he approached the doors to the senate floor, he was promptly escorted out of the building.
???Martin disputes this version of events, claiming that the senate was delayed a few hours because of the budget crisis and that his appointment was simply running behind schedule.
???Martin is also running for University Council at UB and said that rubbing elbows with bigwigs in Albany now is good practice for when he will have to go toe-to-toe with prominent UB figures if elected to the position. He said he had to leave right after, however, because he didn't want to miss out on Flip Night at Third Base.
???"It really wasn't a big deal that I didn't get to talk to [Paterson] today," Martin said. "They know they'll like what I have to say."
???After his hour in Albany, Martin drove back home on the lonely interstate, but stalled out just outside of Syracuse.
???"Maybe we should be looking into replacing these gas guzzlers with hybrids," he said.
???At least one SA club took offense to Martin traveling down to the state capitol. The Dog Fighting Club wasn't able to attend its major fundraising event, the Best in Show competition held annually at the Buffalo Convention Center, because they had no way to get there. Ralph Marley, the club's president, said that they had previously reserved the van that Martin preemptively took to Albany on Monday and no other vans were available for use.
???"Last year our dogs came in first and third place and now because we couldn't go, we probably won't have enough money to be a club next year," Marley said. "It's just another example of Martin screwing the clubs."
???SA President Peter Grollitsch and Vice President Ashish Abraham declined to comment on what Grollitsch called "Martin's constant stupidity."
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Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
