Welcome to the cutthroat island of VH1 reality television.
???It's a lively jungle, populated with obscenely muscled men and slightly enhanced women characterized by their Reality-God given nicknames such as Matsuflex or Bubbles.
???For some students on campus, Sunday nights may be a time of rest and solace, but not for those addicted to VH1 celeb-reality.
???Serving as the main course of Sunday night celeb-reality is Bret Michaels's Rock of Love Bus.
???The aging former lead singer of Poison rocks and rolls his way through dozens of dimwitted groupies on a series of physical challenges just difficult enough to confuse and outsmart them.
???Being the third season featuring the thorned lover, the location has been edited slightly, from a glamorous mansion to an oversized tour bus.
???Just two episodes in, nearly every woman on the show has seemingly traded in respectful careers for a part-time job as Michaels' personal strip club entourage.
???In what might have been one of the most intense elimination ceremonies in recent history, Michaels was forced to remove Melissa from the cast due to her having a boyfriend and more importantly for making fun of the bandana'd rock stars hair loss.
???Slight note for Mr. Michaels: you do have hair plugs and it's funny because it's true.
???Following Rock of Love Bus is this year's first reality classic, Tool Academy.
???The show's premise is fairly simple: a group of bros (those muscular guys at Level or the males offering $10 coupons for The Cut in Generation) need to change their ways or they will lose their girlfriends forever.
???Although within two weeks, two women have already chosen to stay with their man despite the tools proving unable to discard their alpha-male stereotypes.
???It proves to be an interesting sociological theory on whether or not some girls really do want a tool for a boyfriend.
???Oftentimes, the show becomes a drag as the couples go through counseling; that is, until one of the characters decides it is time to finally reveal a deep dark secret, as in the case of Stephen.
???Stephen was hiding a girlfriend of six years from the woman who brought him onto the show. It was nearly every episode of Maury rolled into an hour of drama-filled goodness.
???Serving as a guilty appetizer to the aforementioned shows is Confessions of a Teen Idol, which features a group of ex-child celebrities who are doing their best to once again have that shining spotlight shone on them.
???Out of all three new Sunday premieres, this show provides enough depressing images to make even Sarah McLachlan's SPCA commercial break down into tears.
???Burnt out stars such as Eric Nies, Christopher Atkins and the always-popular Jeremy Jackson round out the cast.
???From working The Grind to going green, Nies is the most surprising downfall of them all as he went from a more popular Wade Robinson to environmentally friendly tree hugger.
???Hollywood is cracking down on spending due to our economic crisis, which means that television screens are going to usher in even more reality television.
???And from VH1's perspective, that can only be a good thing.
???Sunday night offers up all three as Confessions of a Teen Idol airs at 8 p.m., Rock of Love Bus airs at 9 p.m. and Tool Academy at 10 p.m.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
