Gobble. Gobble. That's the sound of turkey day right around the corner, and it's also the sound of retailers consuming plenty of green on the biggest shopping day of the year.
Those who quickly recover from festivities next Thursday will be prepped for door-buster sales and huge crowds early the next morning. Black Friday, or as corporate retailers like to call it, Green Friday, marks the rush for the holiday season.
Carving knives, brass knuckles and sharpened wishbones are the weapons of choice on the notorious day, but there is still time for shoppers to sheath their pointy vices and trade them in for a little respect.
For the last two years I have taken a seasonal job at Toys "R" Us in time for Black Friday, and this year won't be any different. Being on the other end of battle lines is extremely entertaining, but also frightening at times.
Once those doors open and 200 frenzied customers charge in, knocking over displays and barriers, the managers' game plan is out the window.
Fifteen middle-aged women will fly like banshees towards the cheap MP3 player bin and fight each other with nails, filed razor sharp. Minor scuffles will rise and fall while obscenities continually pollute the air.
Last year I was actually hanging on for dear life from shelves as rowdy patrons packed the aisles like a zombie movie. I was afraid to let go because my trusty walkie-talkie was no match for the muscle the mob was boasting, mothers hopped up on coffee and grandmothers with canes.
My only hope was to use my associate status and scream for the crowd to calm down and move back. To my surprise, the aisles quieted down and people began to follow suit, even though murmurs of "your momma" slurs slowly reached my ears.
Among these insults came a quiet voice like an angel that forced my eyes to search for the source. I found a little old lady standing in front of me with a big smile on her face, leaning slightly on her cart.
My primary instinct was hesitation because I half expected her smile to be hiding a mouthful of fangs, ready to snap. However, calm fell over me and I climbed down from my perch and was mesmerized by this reserved spirit.
She inquired about a product, I recited my knowledge and she continued to smile with that cute wrinkled face. I asked how she could possibly want to come out shopping on this day and fight all these crowds just for a few good deals.
The woman laughed and revealed that she was 84 years old and that this has been tradition for her and her daughter for many years. They had fun coming out, picking up a few things and then having a nice breakfast afterwards.
She wasn't even looking for anything in particular and joked about the store not having everything in stock. "I'm obviously not the only one shopping here today," the woman said.
That's when I realized that the holiday shopping season does not need to be troublesome. Sure, there are long lines and the idiocy of society is magnified, but we can help each other by exhibiting a little patience and understanding.
So, you didn't get that big gift for that special someone? Oh well, there are more important things in life than raising blood pressure over a few material trinkets.
Expect disappointment and maybe you won't be let down because you're not the only person out spending money. Instead, think of the adorable grandmother who truly understands the holidays and takes bad news with an aging smile.
