No longer dependent on house rules or parental reaction, college affords many students the opportunity to develop more intimate relationships and others the chance to experience life without a significant other. Attached or single, a student's relationship status can mean both negative and positive experiences during the college years.
According to Sadie Leder, adjunct instructor and a graduate student of social psychology, college is a crucible for most students to experience a close relationship and can contribute to how they behave in relationships for the rest of their lives.
"Relationships require work, but a healthy relationship can improve a student's general well being," Leder said. "Unfortunately, if a relationship is tempestuous and challenging, then it can be very taxing for a student."
Bad experiences can cause people to become scared of relationships and can lead to problems with self-esteem and self-worth, Leder said.
"Fortunately most students are well adjusted and secure enough to cope with bad experiences. Having a good support network of friends and family helps a lot," Leder said.
According to Leder, long-distance relationships and relationships perpetuated from high school can also be sources of stress for students, as they may feel they cannot experience the full range of college experiences.
"If a student feels a relationship is stopping them from doing something, this can lead to issues. Usually breaking off a relationship is a very gradual thing; however, it's usually possible to save it if people come out and talk about how they feel with their partner," Leder said.
Terry Aldrich, a junior mechanical engineering major, said that he sometimes felt limited by his relationship and also unnecessarily confused by his partner's behavior at times.
"I met my girlfriend here at UB and while she's great, she can be really confusing at times," Aldrich said. "She doesn't like me going out with groups of girl friends but doesn't see a problem when she goes out with a group of guy friends. I don't mind her being friends with guys, I just don't understand her logic."
According to Aldrich, a key part of any intimate relationship is understanding your partner, without which things can be difficult.
"I've been in a long distance relationship for about six months now and while we can't be as physical I'm not finding it too hard," said Brian Voge, a sophomore undecided major. "Personally, I don't feel socially limited. I still go out and have a good time."
According to Voge, cheating has never appealed to him and although he can see why some people may consider it, he does not feel tempted to do so.
"I have an amazing girlfriend," Voge said. "We'll do whatever it takes to stay together."
According to Leder, there is a certain stigma attached to being single, but while at college, students can have a certain amount of control over it so it does not always negatively affect them.
"Personally, I've never felt the need for a relationship," said Fazeela Mohammed, a senior political science and psychology major. "I'm happy to be single. I've never had a bad experience in relationships, and I'm not against them but I just don't think it's necessary right now."
According to Mohammed, there is something about the word 'boyfriend' that scares some people, like herself, away from intimate relationships.
"If it happens, it happens. I'm just not going to go out and pursue something that might not be worth it," Mohammed said.
Not all students apparently feel the need for a relationship, but a large number do. The emotional support offered by a good and healthy relationship is undeniable, but they require work to maintain and nurture, according to Leder.
"If I had to define a good relationship in one word, it would be fulfillment," Leder said. "If someone feels that a relationship is fulfilling their personal needs, then they most likely are going to work at keeping that relationship. If they don't feel that way, then they probably won't."
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
