Sometimes the sugar just isn't sweet enough.
It seemed like a ray of light in an otherwise dark and drab fall tour schedule - Chiodos and Silverstein co-headlining at the Town Ballroom with popular acts Escape the Fate and Alesana striking the chords of direct support. Unfortunately, sometimes the cards just don't fall into place, as Monday night was a prime showcasing of a dropped deck.
Doing their best 52-card pick-up, Michigan post-hardcore band Chiodos brought the theatrics and intensity they're known for to the Ballroom in fitting support of their Bukowski-inspired musical Bone Palace Ballet. Though noticeably worn and on the tail end of a two month-long tour, they did not disappoint.
Riding out to their own graveyard symphony, complete with lightning strobes and drummer Derrick Frost's pulsating backbeat, Chiodos opened with their Dead Man-inspired hymn "The Undertaker's Thirst For Revenge is Unquenchable."
As the fog rode off the stage and over the crowd like the pale riders they attest to be, the Craig Owens-fronted six piece galloped through old hits like "All Nerieds Beware" and "There's No Penguins in Alaska," with the just-released "Two Birds Stoned at Once" and "Smitten for the Mitten" dispersed throughout.
Accentuating the key cuts off Bone Palace Ballet, "Lexington" and "Is It Progression if a Cannibal Uses a Fork?," the extended breakdowns, synchronized finger snaps and claps and an aurora borealis of back-lighting made their show a visually erotic experience, bringing as much ecstasy to those in attendance as their on-point renditions of their back catalogue.
After bassist Matt Goddard's anecdote about keyboardist Bradley Bell's quest to conquer his sister and his overly-apparent anxiety about being in the spotlight (which didn't go unnoticed by Owens, who jovially poked fun at his sh-sh- shaking), the band went into the highly-revered "The Words 'Best Friends' Become Redefined," complete with its very own five second pre-breakdown rap beat.
Closing out the night with an extended and heavily crowd-contributed version of the All's Well That Ends Well classic "Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute On The Creek," Chiodos did their best to salvage a night plagued by early disappointment and leave to a sea of smiles.
But did they?
Co-headliner and Victory Records' favorite Canadian rockers Silverstein directly preceded Chiodos and did a fantastic job of recreating their hits "My Heroine" and "Smile in Your Sleep" in a live setting, but lacked the show (even with a solid light display) to make up for what went on beforehand.
And thus we've arrived at the pinnacle of the night's debauchery - to sum it up in one word: Alesana.
Alesana was an audio holocaust, a collection of screams, scowls and pitchy theatrics that sounded like a cat being thrown in a wood chipper. They're nails on a chalkboard running on repeat for eternity. They're everything that's wrong with music.
It's bands like Alesana that make people wish music didn't exist.
As they sloppily stormed the stage dressed in all white, the band forced their way through a seven-song set, eerily resembling a group of instrumentally inclined tampons.
Amidst tracks like "Ambrosia," "Seduction" and "Obsession is Such an Ugly Word," screamer Dennis Lee ran around the stage like a coked-out psychopath with no sleeves and an emerging gut.
Lee physically resembles ex-Get-Up Kid and current Reggie and the Full Effect mastermind James Dewees, with a touch of Nick Brooks, mirroring the ex-It Dies Today front man's less-than-kosher stage antics, adding up to the most incredibly annoying and atrocious lead in any popular band today.
Lee jokingly quipped about fans having to suffer through more songs. If only he knew the irony.
Complimenting Lee, singer Shawn Milke delivered an ear piercing pitch-fest that was less enjoyable than an evening reading and performance of the definitive works of Walt Whitman by Nicolas Cage.
As Lee gave a "thumbs up" sign during the unexplainable crowd support for "Apology," the only thing that would have been fitting would have been a contradictory "thumbs down" from professional wrestler Dave Batista and an accompanying Batista-bomb through the stage and onto the cold and unforgiving floor.
Following Alesana's exit of the stage and the ears left feeling bloodied and raped, Escape the Fate took heed and further dished out the disappointment. With no energy whatsoever from new lead singer and ex-blessthefall vocalist Craig Mabbitt, it made one long for ex-vocalist Ronnie Radke, even in his prison cell.
Cleary embracing change, Escape the Fate has traded in their scene-glam roots for 80's hair-slop, wearing giant wallet chains, dark jeans and tees, even sporting drummer Robert Ortiz, who looks like a younger and balding Kirk Hammett.
Excluding the catchy give and take between Mabbitt and guitarist/vocalist Bryan Money on "Not Good Enough for The Truth In Clich?(c)," the entire Fate set was boring and lifeless. Nic Cage anyone?
Opener A Skylit Drive delivered an energetic performance of songs from their CD Wires...and The Concept of Breathing, but were heavily overshadowed by the musical death that followed.
Back to that question, is all well that ends well?
Absolutely not.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
