Yes, it's official. All of New York's shock and disgust over our ex-governor's illicit sexual intercourse with an apparently high-class prostitute (irony anyone?) is finally coming to an end.
Now it's time to turn to more important matters, like as to why anyone in their right mind would decide that the music of Ashley Alexandra Dupre was any good?
I'm not going to give a bunch of low blows, but Elliot's $4,000 an hour "spitzer" has absolutely no talent. And yet, at one point in her life she decided it was time to play the struggling musician.
I, for one, am sick of people thinking they have musical talent when in reality I would rather listen to an audio tape of Police Academy 5 in Spanish (Academia de Policia Cinco for those bilinguals) than deal with 30 seconds of this garbage. This is a problem that America as a whole is trying to deal with unsuccessfully.
Sure, Ricky Vaughn's alleged $20,000 wild thing wasn't the first hooker to think she had musical talent. In the past decade we had to deal with albums from Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and even Brian Austin Green.
I know what you're thinking: Brian Austin Green made an album?
Best part was that Mr. Green believed he was the next great white hip hop sensation. Much like N.W.A. to Compton, Green represented the mean streets of Los Angeles, Ca. His hard rhymes shook radio airwaves so hard in fact that many stations straight up refused to play his songs due to the tough-as-nails character he portrayed on Beverly Hills: 90210.
Before Green's One Stop Carnival, the rocking duo of Don Johnson and Phillip Michael Thomas of Miami Vice fame proclaimed they were going to change the world of music with two albums.
Johnson's single "Heartbeat" was reminiscent of a really terrible Pat Benatar song while Thomas's R&B was slip-slip-slippin' a little too much into the future as a poor Seal knockoff.
After poor musical showings, Johnson is now a star in Norwegian romantic comedies and Thomas has been appearing as all eight contestants of Celebrity Fit Club.
Three major acting heavyweights create albums. All are horrendous.
It is commonplace now with shows like American Idol and Making the Band to believe that anyone can have hidden musical talent. It has also been proven with Nickelback's consistent sold-out tours that most of America is tone-deaf and opposed to enjoying talented musical artists.
Look at our upcoming Springfest. MIMS might know why he's hot, but does anyone else? I'll answer that for you. No. No one cares about MIMS. Yet somehow he is still a top-selling artist.
America, we have talented musicians. They are all over the place. But when you turn on Kiss 98.5 you certainly won't find it. And more than likely 103.3 will be too busy playing the latest Saliva nu-metal knock-off to find anything worth listening to.
One of the most talented artists to release an album this year, Dallas Green, is stuck without airtime because untalented pop musicians are able to fill the airwaves with Macbook Garage Band created drum and bass and unrelenting generic choruses.
I'll be the first to admit that I enjoy cheesy pop music. I think Michael Jackson's "Beat It" is one of the best songs ever written. Difference is that Jackson, despite his personal problems, has made some great music and deserves to sell records based on his musical talent.
Ashley Alexandra Dupree does not deserve to sell any records. Her backing beat is basically a clinic in do-it-yourself home recording, while the lyrics are somehow worse than Jamie Lynn Spears' attempts at curing morning sickness with Pedialyte.
It's fine and dandy to play the struggling musician if you live in your car a la Jewel, but not when you are living in a $3200 a month Manhattan loft. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but the reality of this entire situation is that the only victims are Spitzer's family, and the American listener.


