Some students may find that entering college is a completely different experience than living at home. The newfound independence may be something that they have never experienced before, which may then make returning home and getting re-accustomed to family life a challenge.
According to licensed clinical psychologist and suicide prevention coordinator for the Student Wellness Team Amana Carvalho, Ph.D., it can be difficult to return home after beginning college because of the many different experiences students face while living on campus.
"Students returning home may feel that they have changed, but their home environment has remained the same," she said. "Students may have gained a new perspective about family dynamics as a result of being out of this environment."
Bethany Allan, a freshman exercise science major from Pine Plains, New York, feels that being in college has made her more aware of the differences between school and home.
"I definitely have a different attitude at home," Allan said. "You need to have a sense of respect for everyone living in your house. They're not used to college students' crazy habits: staying up super late, eating at midnight, being loud all the time."
According to Carvalho, since college is a time of growth an exploration, parents should be prepared to accept that their child may have changed in some ways.
"Parents should try to embrace these changes and learn to develop an adult relationship with their child," she said.
Allan feels that her parents have done well to recognize her growth since entering college.
"They treat me as more of an adult. This is definitely a good thing. I think everyone likes to be treated like an equal by adults," she said.
Carvalho noted that communication is the key for making the transition to home life easier for both student and parent.
"It's important that parents and students discuss these issues, with mutual understanding and respect, to clarify expectations and negotiate roles," she said.
Hoda Ahmed, a freshman pharmacy major from Sayre, Pennsylvania who lives in the Ellicott Complex, feels that her role as the peacemaker of her family has made it easier for her to become readjusted to her home life.
"My role is the mediator of the family. If there's any conflict or any problems going on between anyone, I'm always the one to go and resolve it," she said.
Ahmed feels that her family tried to keep the atmosphere constant so that she would not feel out of place.
"I don't think my family treats me different...since I'm not home for very long, they try to do as much with me and talk to me as much as possible before I leave again," she said. "It's a good thing, so I don't feel like an outsider of the family."
Ahmed spent her Thanksgiving break with her family, telling them about her college life. While it was easy for her to get used to being home, she still had a sense that she was just visiting.
"I've already visited home a few times before break so it wasn't too weird, but I liked it," she said. "I felt like I was back at home, but it wasn't the exact same as before I left for college; I sort of felt like a visitor, which I kind of was."
Similarly, Allan felt as if she'd never left her home, but no longer considers herself to be living there since she spends more time in Buffalo.
While the shorter Thanksgiving break may have been a easier reintroduction to home life, the longer winter recess is where a struggle in the family dynamic may occur.
"I'm a little bit worried about going home for winter break. I think being home longer will bring about more conflicts with my parents," Allan said.
Carvalho notes that it can feel frustrating to go back to curfews, house rules and chores, but parents are entitled to maintain rules in their own house, which students should respect.
"My mom will definitely be putting me to work the minute I'm home," Allan said.
Whether or not getting used to home life is an easy experience or a big adjustment, both Allan and Ahmed feel that the maturation process of college has helped with returning home.
"I've become more independent. Living at home, I depended a lot on my parents to do things for me," Ahmed said. "I like being free and independent, even if that means learning to be responsible for what I do. It's a growing transition, a learning experience."
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
