It seems like a lot of people in Buffalo could use a miracle these days, or something. Something to save the kitten in the tree, or the inebriated freshman female on Winspear, or the Buffalo Bills.
What this big, empty metropolis needs is superheroes.
The city has seen no shortage of superhuman spirit and effort in the 50 years since industry left the Rust Belt and Buffalo's population drained out from 600,000 to about half that.
In the same way that 300,000 people made way in their exodus for other things like Heights brawls and a rampant homeless population (only about 11% of which accounts for those you regularly see on the street, according to the Homeless Alliance of WNY), steel manufacturing and vehicle production made way for groundbreaking bioinformatics research that helps lead the way in the nation's genetics studies.
UB2020 joins other programs that plan on revitalizing the city's economy, which is seeing an unemployment rate under 5% for the first time in years.
The city's residents show loyalty in force, coming out during last year's October Storm to offer services to the needy: Will Help Anyone, a makeshift sign photographed in this newspaper said. And the University did its part as best it could, providing news services and spaces to sleep and eat on campus.
But there are some things that science and activism can't save us from.
Like a city being emptied because the big jobs in the country all moved somewhere else.
Like the police shortage that arises when officers are too busy dealing with real crime to handle a domestic dispute between two drunk college kids.
Or that moment when you're about to pay your roommate twenty dollars to go downstairs and get your wallet, because you're in no condition to get off the couch and want Jim's Steak Out.
And who's going to oppose the War? Certainly not UB Anti-War, have you even heard from them this year?
Superheroes, that's who.
Gotham City: "Manhattan below Fourteenth Street at eleven minutes past midnight on the coldest night in November," says Batman writer Dennis O'Neil (or, so says Wikipedia).
Do Buffalo a favor. Venture into the streets of the city just past midnight this week. Wander into the E-district, arguably the most dangerous sector, according to sources inside the Buffalo Police. Look around. Or find your way downtown and imagine a proud, defiant figure defending the city from the top of City Hall.
And ask yourself: does Buffalo need a savior?
Here are my nominations for the position.
Captain Capen, a disambiguation of the guy seemingly everything in the vicinity is named for. His ability to be everywhere at once can not only retrieve that wallet for you, but simultaneously chase the Canadians away from all the malls near the border.
Or William McKinley, the 25th president of the United States and victim of, like so many of us, being in the wrong place at the wrong time... in Buffalo.
This city also sees its fair share of villains- no help needed there. Just ask the Northrup Gang, Fabio Albertin or the homeless guy who sleeps in my attic.
But super villains? Leaning on my full name alone, I nominate myself. Plenty of room for puns and wordplay (I've been hearing Darth Rader since I was eight years old, it just isn't funny anymore). But it was also suggested to me that Frank Lloyd Wright share the stage, as his ability to boggle minds with evil architecture could leave the city helpless. Just what I need to stop the spread of vegetarianism in the City of No Illusions!
Or, maybe Buffalo is fine the way it is. With no Snowstorm to keep us busy this year (so far), maybe all we need is something to do.
If you're a budding super hero, make sure to send me a challenge to formal duel. I'll be waiting in the E-district.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
