The Earth is a very large locale. There are many people inhabiting it. And they all want to come to the United States, especially Canadians.
Amongst the masses of different ethnic groups and even fellow Americans that despise the proud United States, there are Canadians who cross the great divide in search of better retail deals, and hate the US. And I know this because Canadians insist on littering in the US by abandoning their rubbish outside malls and in McDonalds parking lots such as a once-cherished cigarette; used to the end and then flicked to the curb to remain forever as a non-biodegradable eyesore.
The sea of formerly worn and tattered Canadian sneakers in mall parking spaces, in formation like intrepid soldiers behind enemy lines, left to fight a battle of another sort. Their replacements' boxes sit next to them, empty and lifeless, as if providing protective cover. Black and white striped Foot Locker bags dance delicately across the tarmac, as if lost, searching for the cargo that they had once transported.
Sometimes the United States' northern chums will even leave tattered clothing strewn across the hardball. Dilapidated threads are deliberately worn into this beloved country in lieu of purchasing new-fangled duds that will be donned for the trip back across the giant splice between countries, this way to avoid paying duty tax at the bridge commission. Brilliant in theory.
I also know this because every weekend that I try to drive somewhere that is even remotely within the conscience distance of a mall, I see Canadian-crowned license plates (the same that had once donned the 1973 logo "Keep It Beautiful") that congest the roadway like a double quarter pounder with cheese slowly sliding through the arteries of a retired industrial plant worker. Plugging every possible outlet as if corking off fragile capillaries and directing traffic flow at a less than breakneck speed of a snail's pace. I have places to go.
I have often marveled at the thought of the United States' northern visitors traveling in an orderly and efficient manner, operating a motor vehicle as if they know where they are going and how to get there. I'm sure it's not their first time in the grand old US, at least not all of them at the exact same time.
All of this isn't scuttlebutt folks, it's fact. I have seen it and I am sure there are a horde of other God-fearing Americans that have witnessed these indecencies from our numerically larger latitudinal acquaintances. I have observed the Canadians swap garments in parking lots. I have witnessed them strap on new kicks and toss their spent Nikes aside. I have watched them drive off while leaving a pile of refuse in their place. It's a shame.
If these items are of no value to them any longer, why not transport them to a trash receptacle? Because Canadians hate the US, or they're just lazy. And I would hate to think that Canadians would intentionally litter up the already foully polluted United States when they have been cruising around with vehicle tags that make the claim "Yours To Discover" since 1983 (I suppose they lost interest in keeping it beautiful). Are US citizens being invited to discover the endless opportunities of mindless waste disposal possibilities in Canada such as Canadians have found in the US? I don't think that would work out too well.
But here's a thought, why can't the foul weather Northern Americans pay a post shopping visit to the many Salvation Armies and Goodwills that surround the shopping centers. Why rush out of the country, we're all friends. The only difference between the US and Canada that the greater part of the population can come up with off the cuff is the lower drinking age and the fully nude adult entertainment clubs. Yeah Canada, you've got us on both of those.
Really though, why don't Canadians take an extra hour to swing by the donation centers that are spackled all over urban areas and donate their to-be-discarded threads to the people who need them more than an empty parking lot. It wouldn't only be the considerate thing to do for environment friendly US citizens, but also a great justice for the tortured souls who have to clean the parking lots.
One more thing; my disclaimer. I don't hate Canadians. In fact I have more than several Canadian chums and have found most Canadians to be quite pleasant and warm despite their northerly challenged geographical location and their overly emphasized use of "a."
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
