Dating is a tricky game. UB students shouldn't be surprised when they get thrown under the bus while looking for love. For those who don't know where to turn when testing out the dating waters of the undergraduate population, here are a few dating tips that every romancer should follow.
Pressure is off: group dates
Dating can be difficult to enjoy when there is a constant fear of rejection hanging over one's head. Consequently, college students tend to cling to relationships, especially those already attached to a sweetheart from their hometown.
Erica Mazzara, a sophomore business major, feels that dating in college is the hardest thing she has ever done.
"I was in a relationship with a guy from home for a really long time," said Mazzara. "When the relationship ended, I didn't even know how to go about dating again."
Many students find that having a significant other at UB can make school seem more welcoming and not just a place to live while taking classes for the semester. One of the best ways to meet people can be through friends, on group dates or in larger activities. Events like these give people a chance to get to know each other without the pressure of an awkward first date.
"I had gotten so used to always having someone there for me, so I was eager to start looking for a new boyfriend," Mazzara said. "A lot of my friends are single so I asked for advice about how they go about meeting and dating people. My one friend told me that the best way she likes to date is in groups."
One-on-one dates can sometimes seem boring; when friends are around, the date can be more comfortable and fun, Mazzara said. Group dates can be a great way to meet new people, meet new singles and find new friends.
"Finding a date basically starts with meeting new and interesting people," Mazzara said. "You can't meet new people unless you get out and make yourself available. It's unlikely that you're going to find a new relationship sitting at home watching movies with your girlfriends."
Chill out
Dating isn't only tricky for women, according to Daniel Malmud, a senior communication major. Guys who might have wanted to approach a woman of interest are often hindered by their nervousness and fear of rejection, according to Malmud.
"I know a lot of guys that get nervous around girls," Malmud said. "How do you expect to pick up a girl if you're constantly worrying about what will happen?"
Both guys and girls should relax when approaching a potential significant other; the key is to relax, Malmud claimed.
"Don't feel so emotionally attached in every interaction," he said. "If you spend too much time worrying about rejection or embarrassment, you could miss out on getting to know a really cool girl."
According to Malmud, the best way to test the waters is with some light flirting - enough to show interest, but not to provoke awkwardness or tension. By flirting, a person can tell whether the girl or guy they're pursuing is equally as interested. If the flirting is dismissed or ignored, move on.
Body language: put on a happy face
One of the best things to do when on a date is to smile and keep eye contact, according to Erica Ketchum, a sophomore communication major. Simple body language can give your date the indication that you're interested or that your conversation is going well.
"First impressions are everlasting," Ketchum said. "Why not make a good one? Smiling can be the easiest form of flirting. A smile can say a lot about a person, and it can also let a person know you're interested."
According to Ketchum, good eye contact can let a potential mate know you're interested in what they have to say and not just in a fling. Maintaining eye contact, along with appropriate reactions to conversation lets the other person know that you're actively engaged in the conversation.
"Eye contact is an absolute must," Ketchum said. "It lets a girl know that you're interested in really getting to know them."
Ketchum said that those who don't make good eye contact often send the wrong messages. Unintentionally, someone interested in more than a one-night-stand can send the wrong signals by not making good eye contact. Often nervousness is one of the main reasons why students tend to look anywhere except at the other person. Daters must shrug off their nerves and look up.
"If a guy is staring at my body the whole time, it gives me the impression that he just wants to get to know my body instead of me," Ketchum said.
"Baby, are you tired from running through my dreams?"
According to students, the pickup line can make or break any first interaction. If one must be used, make sure to choose wisely. Matt Cruz, a senior mechanical engineering major, says there are many different elements in using a pickup line that can make it a success or a flop.
"I think it depends on how confident you are, and so many other factors," Cruz said.
Rather than using pickup lines, there are a few conversation topics that can serve as "safety topics" to bring up when getting to know someone. Discuss movies, music, television shows, and general likes and dislikes. Some topics to avoid are past relationships, as well as politics and religion. You can touch on the basics like party association and what religious group of which you're a part, if any.
Similarly, stick to basic first-date activities. Don't pick all-day activities or anything you can't get out of should the date turn sour. Choose dates that will be fun but won't result in injury or embarrassment - avoid anything athletic until getting to know the other person; it's no fun to venture to the ER from an ice skating injury. Try seeing a movie, go to the beach or go out to dinner.
Be brave
If a co-ed catches your eye but hasn't approached you, don't feel too shy to advance first. Often being bold is a turn-on for many potential mates, especially those of the shyer persuasion.
"If you're really into a guy and he's being shy, make the first move," said Kasie Reese, a junior nursing major. "He'll really respect the fact that you're confident enough to make the first move."
Being the one to approach the other person can give your target the motivation he or she needs to spark a conversation or initiate a date. Often when the first move is made, the other person will take over, asking for a phone number or a night out on the town.
"He'll really dig the fact that you're stepping up to the plate, and he'll take over from there," Reese said.
Additional reporting by Stephanie Sciandra, Senior Arts & Life Editor
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
