As time stubbornly ticks away, the American citizens that embody the proud United States continue to become more and more sensitive and outraged with every thing that is seen, said, or acted out. Resulting in mankind slowly dividing into groups, eradicating unity, and promoting weakness of our dear country that we all love as good Americans. Ultimately creating a United States that is weaker and more susceptible to social breakdown and war.
We are all equals. We pay our taxes, whether we like it our not. We go to work and spend the very few warm summer days indoors. And we spend our free time finding things to complain about and to start lawsuits over. So, now the question is how we should go about overcoming this society debacle. Believe it or not my few readers, the answers lie in video games.
Since interacting with each other isn't quite working out for everyone, Americans should all become full-fledged gamers. Sounds silly, but exploring the colorful reasoning unfolds the brilliant sense of it all.
Imagine the life of a gamer. Gamers seclude themselves from society. Usually huddled in a basement, or a dark room, they spend not most of their time gaming, but all of their time gaming. Gamers remain completely out of the loop from politics, news, life, human contact, and just about everything else.
Place a gamer in the grocery store, tell them to buy a week's worth of groceries for a family and watch what happens. The gamer will become confused and will become socially distraught.
Gamers are electronically morphed into their own pre-programmed world that they choose, which allows them to become a character of realistic impossibilities. It doesn't get much more tangible than that...order a game online, become someone you're not, live in peace.
So I'm sure that some are still skeptical of this outrageous plan, questioning how it could even possibly work. Well, plain and simple, if granny is rocking out to "Madden NFL 06" or "Everquest" all day long, munching pork rinds and sucking down "dewers," only leaving the basement to take bio breaks, then she won't have much time to offend anyone and get sued.
Seriously though, consider how much "trouble" granny would actually get into. She would be passively seated in her gaming chair, which of course is ergonomically engineered to keep her comfortable for long periods of time to avoid breaks and aggravation. If her phone were to ring she would avoid answering it at all costs, thus avoiding conflict or social interaction, carefree to what is said and done in the outside world, starting to make sense yet? It should.
People would start blowing off work like many "Evercrack" players have been known to do. The workplace would be a much more enjoyable place with no one in it. Quiet, non-offensive, and probably pretty productive as well.
In other examples, the roadway would be an uncluttered super slab of blacktop and concrete. Environmental pollution would decrease at an astonishing rate, gas prices would fall greatly since no one would go anywhere, and overall prices would plummet for everything but essential gaming snacks and soda pop.
Classroom settings would be much more personal, fewer students, if any at all. Sports teams would let just about anyone in due to lack of players. Best of all, the high profile liberal actors in Hollywood that hate their fans so much would be out of work due to films becoming unnecessary for pastime. Hell, this could really be an ingenious method to change the world.
Further, in my unrelated thoughts but just as important, war in film, despite the terrible prices that are paid, has always encompassed a certain amount of romanticism for me. There is one film that is home for a 20 minute scene that just embodies all the romanticism of war that I could ask for. Directed by Francis Ford Coppola in 1979, the helicopter attack scene in "Apocalypse Now" that is accompanied by Richard Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries," yeah the one where Robert Duval wears the Calvary hat and commands the search for the renegade Green Beret in such a theatrical manner. Now that's what it's all about.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
