"Cradle 2 The Grave" is the kind of film "The Critic's" Jay Sherman was talking about when he coined the slogan: "Just Don't Go." The movie is predictable from start to finish in the worst way possible. The only reasons to see the film (aside from having a free pass) are Jet Li's fight scenes and the women who barely qualify as "not naked."
The plot (as if it matters in this kind of movie) is straightforward. DMX plays professional jewel thief Fait. A number of unsavory characters desire his latest acquisition. Instead of paying for the jewels, one of the thugs decides to kidnap Fait's eight-year-old daughter, Vanessa (Paige Hurd) and hold her for ransom. Aside from being a jewel thief's daughter, Vanessa is the smartest person in the film.
Li plays Su, a Taiwanese intelligence agent who has his own reasons for wanting the jewels, and thus he is forced into an unlikely alliance - the usual nonsense term to describe partners-in-crime pairings like Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte, and Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.
Together, Fait and Su pursue the jewels, save Vanessa and show their skills with guns and martial arts on the way. Oh, and Fait manages to get the girl as well, hooking up with Daria (Gabrielle Union). It's not like you didn't see it coming from the start.
The issue of "style over substance" applies to this movie. Representative of "Cradle's" writing and acting, in one scene, DMX storms angrily out a door telling an anonymous sidekick he's off "to get some answers."
"Cradle's" writing and directing are so bad that spending money to see this film is almost unjustifiable, even with prior knowledge about the film's emphasis on the fight scenes and chicks. But the fact is even the fights aren't very good.
Li's wushu-style of martial arts is cool to watch, but "Cradle's" fight choreography is unexceptional this time around. Renting one of Li's older films will give fans of the actor a better sense of satisfaction from the visual spectacle. Although Li's fight with about 10 other guys in a cage - where he uses an uppity midget in a tuxedo as a weapon- is fun to watch, it is the only impressive combat sequence scene in the film.
Sadly for Li fans, the most impressive part of "Cradle" is its opening credits - where digital effects take a front seat to the credits themselves.
The film's inability to connect with its audience become abundantly clear in the screening when, after the last main fight scene (identifiable because it was between the designated main hero and the designated villain) people actually got up from their seats and left the theater.
Visually, "Cradle 2 The Grave" was well shot and edited. The use of the latest technology was evident in the editing and post-production process, and editor Derek Brechin assembled some really nice sequences.
Despite abysmal writing, DMX was not bad. Then again, his character was constantly angry and loud, so he had no trouble acting naturally.
"Cradle 2 The Grave" featured all the hallmarks of a standard action hit: awful writing, poor direction, mediocre acting and a terrible plot - but the women were dope and the visuals were nice.
To summarize: Just Don't Go.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
