Senioritis is an ailment that afflicts millions of high school and college seniors every spring semester. As the weather improves and graduation nears, UB seniors begin experiencing all of the common symptoms of the disease - all of which result in the student staying as far away from the university as possible.
This year, an unlikely victim has fallen under the spell of the debilitating illness - President William R. Greiner.
According to the executive assistant to the president, who wished to remain anonymous, Greiner has not returned to his office since spring break ended last month, except for a brief stop last week to collect his Gamecube and his pet ferret.
"I don't quite know what he's been doing since spring break," the anonymous executive assistant said. "He came in to the office one day last week to grab his Gamecube. He didn't really say anything except, 'Hey Carla, only one more day until Zelda comes out.' It was weird."
Greiner, who announced his plans to retire from his position as president of the university effective June 30, could not be reached by The Spectrum for comment.
His wife, Carol, however, was willing to be interviewed because, she said, she is "really worried about my Billy."
She said her husband began acting strangely a couple of weeks after he made his official announcement last January.
"Right after he made the announcement, it was like nothing had changed," Carol Greiner said. "I don't think it really hit him until he picked up an issue of Generation, which indicated there were only 159 days until he retires. At first he was insulted that they couldn't wait for him to leave office, but then I pointed out that they wouldn't be counting the days unless they really cared about him."
According to Carol Greiner, her husband's demeanor changed after he saw the countdown on the cover of the magazine. She said it was as if "he had already retired."
"One afternoon in late January, I came home from the supermarket, and Bill was still in the sweatpants he slept in the night before," she said. "He was playing Halo on his XBox. I asked him why he hadn't even showered yet, and he didn't even hear me. It was like he was hypnotized. I knew what the problem was right away - senioritis."
According to Carol Greiner, she tried everything she could to get him to stop "slacking off," but her attempts proved to be futile.
"I actually drove him to work all through February, but he didn't like that at all," Mrs. Greiner said. "He sulked all month and he kept complaining that his friends in Capen Hall made fun of him every time I dropped him off."
According to Joe Sanabria, a senior Spanish major, he didn't even know who Greiner was until one day in February when the president - or "G-Dawg," as Sanabria now calls him - showed up at his Hadley Village apartment.
"One day in February, G-Dawg knocked on my door and asked if he could play videogames with me and my friends," Sanabria said. "I didn't really know who he was until my friend Lunchbox was like, 'Dude, he's the dude that owns the university.' I was like, 'Whoa.' It was really weird because we don't even know how he knew we were playing videogames."
Greiner's Student Association counterpart, Christian Oliver, said that while he respects Greiner's accomplishments, he wants Greiner to take his position more seriously.
"I just wish I could take a leave of absence like that, but I have too much work to get done," Oliver said. "I am in a serious bidding war with a roller rink in Beresford South Dakota over securing SmashMouth to play before the football home opener next season."
Shaun Connors, a sophomore undecided major, compared Greiner's absence to the movie "Superman 2."
"Remember 'Superman 2,' when those bad guys from outer space come to earth and Superman is nowhere to be found?" Connors asked. "We could've used President Greiner during those dark days in January when Gov. Pataki announced the tuition hike, and Chris Oliver tried to get out of paying his tuition all together. Actually, it's really not the same at all, is it?"
"That's a great movie, though," he added.
Provost Elizabeth Capaldi declined to speak to The Spectrum about Greiner's illness, opting only to say: "I would be honored if the University Council offered the position of president to me. But it is not as if I am waiting by my phone for the call," she said with a nervous laugh, before adding, "645-2992."
According to Carol Greiner, she was not surprised by her husband's decision to resign from his position, but she was surprised at how much it affected his behavior patterns.
"Billy used to have a strict routine," Carol Greiner said. "He'd wake up at six, catch a rerun of 'Perfect Strangers' on TV Land - he loves Balki - turn on CNN Headline News to catch up on the world's events, shower by 7:30, and leave for the university shortly before 8:15."
"Now, I'm lucky if he's awake by 11," she said. "I don't know when the last time he took me out to a restaurant was, other than Sal's Pizza. All he does is sit around eating Hot Pockets and playing videogames or watching MTV Cribs."
"I just can't wait until June 30," she said.
