Staring down his chief rival, Mathayus, the Scorpion King coolly tells the evil ruler Memnon: "I've come for the girl . and your head."
It won't take very long for the audience to figure out whether or not he winds up with both at the end of the film. This is The Rock we are talking about, the man with the famous eyebrow and elbow that has graced the rings of the World Wrestling Federation.
After premiering on the big screen in "The Mummy Returns" last summer in a silent role as a giant, computer-generated, man-beast, finally The Rock has come back to movies.
But this only renders "The Scorpion King" a bigger disappointment.
The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, returns with a starring role that doesn't fully display the verbose talents he has consistently offered on Monday Night Raw. When Mathayus is facing off against Memnon (Steven Brand), who has the ability to catch flying arrows and wield flaming swords, don't expect him to say, "Know your role, jabroni, before I break out the can of whoop-ass!"
It appears as if director Chuck Russell ("The Mask," "The Eraser") wanted The Rock to leave his one-liners in the ring. But his portrayal as the strong, silent type does not leave him with anything noteworthy with which to work.
This lack of flair is actually a problem endemic to the whole movie. "The Scorpion King" is a poor man's version of the entire "Mummy" series. Unlike its predecessor, "The Scorpion King" possesses none of the great theatrics that made the original films so enjoyable.
The Rock is the noble warrior Mathayus leading a scattered band of warriors to fight against the tyranny of Memnon. The evil ruler is blessed with victory at every battle because his sorceress Cassandra (Kelly Hu) can predict the outcome. But when Mathayus tries to kill her, his male heart softens his fortitude; some girls are simply too hot to die.
What follows is an amazing display of acrobatics that amounts to little in the end. Part of the problem is that The Rock has it too easy; typically, heroes are always more powerful than the token bad guys, but The Rock plows past them with too much ease. It's hard to envision an opposite scenario against The Rock, but ever since "Gladiator" was released, a high bar was set for historical combat films to deliver memorable swordplay.
Whether The Rock is cooler than Russell Crowe is another issue, but "The Scorpion King" uses too many camera tricks to create the illusion of speed to conceal its marginal fight sequences.
The Rock mostly relies on blades and bow and arrows, as opposed to punches and "people's elbows." Although it is interesting to watch The Rock function as a full-fledged, action movie hero, at the same time, his character is detached from the audience. In "The Scorpion King," he is more of a machine than a man.
Not that the film is entirely lacking its share of good fights. The impressive brawl between Mathayus and Balthazar (Michael Clarke Duncan) goes back to the basics, employing fists and chokeholds. Duncan, most commonly known for his appearances in "The Green Mile," and "The Planet of the Apes," is one of the few gifted actors in "The Scorpion King" with a physique that can almost measure up to The Rock.
The rest of the cast falls flat, however. The audience shouldn't expect anything but token characters (the old scientist, the goofy sidekick, the beautiful girl), but action films have a way of making their antics appealing. This is not the case in "The Scorpion King." For instance, unlike Imhotep, the evil high priest from "The Mummy" series who could transform rivers into his face, we have Memnon, a wimpy tyrant who relies on his British accent to make him sound sinister.
Instead, audiences will find that the strengths of "The Scorpion King" arise from the moments when it purposefully decides not to take itself seriously. When villains bury Mathayus up to his head in the desert and unleash a swarm of fire ants upon him, he saves himself by using his massive chin to squash them, and his massive jaw to eat them. When Mathayus is surrounded by the palace guards, he simply finds a catapult and flings himself into a harem of sexy ladies. And when Mathayus battles Memnon in the final fight, the long-expected, climactic explosion offers a fitting conclusion worthy of the people's approval.
