News

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Kelly Returns To Assembly

Timothy Kelly, the Ascension Party presidential candidate who was removed from the Student Association Assembly Friday for attendance problems, was reinstated to the Assembly Wednesday at a meeting of the Rules Committee.Kelly said he was happy to be reinstated into the committee, and added that Assembly speaker Adam Sherlip is considering a change to the SA Constitution's attendance policy."Sherlip is trying to increase the policy to three absences," Kelly said.Sherlip agreed that Kelly's reinstatement was a good decision."I think there's no problem," Sherlp said.

Elevation Party Sweeps Elections

Led by its presidential nominee Anthony Burgio, the Elevation Party swept the Student Association elections Wednesday night with landslide numbers.Burgio, Vice presidential candidate Dela Yador and Treasurer candidate Jessica Dangler will occupy the executive board offices in 350 Student Union next year."It wasn't a win - it was a mandate by the students," said Burgio, who received 1,311 of 2,246 total votes, more than twice his closest competition, the Ascension Party ticket of Timothy Kelly and Chad Williams, who received 586."I won't let you down," said Burgio in a short victory speech to his cheering party members and supporters.

Editorial Cartoon 4.2.04

Sewing Oats at CFA

Renowned author and professor Joyce Carol Oates came to the Center for the Arts Tuesday and taught a special, one-hour workshop on the art of sewing oats and other various grains to fabric."The craft of sewing oats is vastly under-appreciated among academics these days," Oates said.Oates began the seminar by sewing 300 oats from a packet of instant oatmeal into a cashmere sweater."The key to this garment is not wearing it outdoors near any birds, especially crows," Oates said.Jimbo Jones, a sophomore English major, said he greatly enjoyed Oates' oats seminar."Mostly I've been taking English classes, which I like - especially the one on how to write headlines for newspapers - but her seminar is making me seriously consider a career in arts and crafts," Jones said.Oates also attached wheat grain to a winter jacket and sewed barley to a scarf."Sewing oats has always been an obsession of mine," Oates said.

Seeking Help in 'Hitch-free Transaction'

I know my message will come to you as a surprise. I wish to write you this letter of assistance believing that you will not betray the trust I'm to impose on you.By brief introduction, I am Sandra Mani the wife of Hanis Mani Mani former chief of defense-staff of (Republic of Guinea Bissau).I got your contact from a business magnet who told me to fill free to do any business with you that you are truthful and trustworthy and also your capability of handling this business.

Disclaimer

If you haven

Quota to Limit Female Admissions from Long Island

Until yesterday it was a natural fact of life in the Empire State.Every August, a tide of late-model German cars packed with cosmetics and designer headbands flowed north from Long Island to Buffalo.Yet after years of protest from the UB community, President John B.

More Workbooks are Necessary

Too often, students are graduating from the University at Buffalo without basic knowledge in certain areas.

Thirteen Year Old Indie Dude

As much as I'd like to take part in this spectacular issue of The Spectrum, I simply cannot. I am crestfallen.

It's All About Soul

At the end of the UB Bulls' men's basketball 2002-03 season, which culminated in an unsuccessful 5-23 record, head coach Reggie Witherspoon went to look for help from a friend in the south.The deep south.According to heavily circulated rumors, Witherspoon seems to have made a binding agreement with the Prince of Darkness, also known as Satan, to grant the Bulls a winning season in exchange for Witherspoon's immortal soul and a player to be named later.Despite the inherent evil nature of the transaction, it seems to have been a success for all parties involved."When Reg came to me last March, I was more than happy to work something out with him," said The Hellion.

UB Embarrassed

I was eating dinner in the Student Union with my boyfriend last week. He was having a salad, and I was chowing down on the quesadillas.

JTT: Back in Action

Former teen heartthrob Jonathan Taylor Thomas (affectionately known by his female fans as "JTT") has finally returned.

Safety Report

3/23 An unknown student was reported masturbating in Lockwood Library.3/23 George Pape, Anthony Burgio, and Jocelyn Tejeda were arrested and charged with arson for burning a large stack of undisclosed documents in 350 Student Union.3/24 An unknown student was reported masturbating in Baldy Hall.3/24 Five male students were referred to the SWJ for forming an N

Ask Rob Suglia

Hey all you Mighty Maniacs out there! It's me, everyone's favorite Student Relations Coordinator, Rob Suglia.

Better Than 'Better Than Stick Figures' 3.31.04

"UB Student Drops Out, Joins World Wrestling Federation"

Jon Amitrano, one of UB's most visible "Mighty Maniacs," is moving out of Alumni Arena and into the squared circle of the World Wrestling Federation.Amitrano dropped out of school on Monday afternoon after Vince McMahon, the owner of the World Wrestling Federation, flew in to Buffalo and arrived at the Red Jacket Quadrangle with a six-figure contract in hand."How could I not sign on the dotted line?" said Amitrano.

World News

Bush, Kerry Schedule Dance-Off to Decide Presidency Presidential incumbent George W. Bush and Democratic candidate John Kerry announced yesterday that despite 228 years of precedent for elections to decide the U.S.

Scandal Sweeps UB Athletic Department

The UB community was rocked Tuesday as head football coach Jim Hofher resigned amid allegations of wrong doings and extreme NCAA rules violations in the program.

Aye On Campus

Korman Runs for High School Student Council

Following two successful semesters of serving as an advisor to the undergraduate Student Association, despite having graduated in May 2002, Josh Korman has announced plans to run for president of the student council at Sweet Home High School.Korman said he enjoyed giving leadership to groups he was no longer involved with and added he had many great ideas for the council."I think there is definite room for improvement in the way bake sales are run at Sweet Home High, and with my vision of a special pink-frosted cupcake section, the possibilities are endless," Korman said, adding he would rename the quarterly bake sales the "Sweet Home Sweets" series.Korman added he would like to see more chairs in the cafeteria and a less-strict hall pass policy from the school administration.He also said his first order of duty would be to sue the student newspaper, The Sweet Home Tribune, for libel."Those slanderous punks are consistently undermining the authority of the student government," Korman said, adding he would create a student council-sponsored magazine, Sweet Home Visions.An anonymous official on the SA executive board said he encouraged Korman to run because he thought he would do a good job, but added he also had an ulterior motive for encouraging Korman's campaign."That kid never leaves the office and he's always giving me advice.