On Dec. 25, Melanie Buhrmaster-Bunch grabbed her phone to send a "Merry Christmas" text. When she opened it, she noticed a text message from Dec. 9 she hadn't read before.
"Of course you would do anything for your wonder twin."
She read the words from her cousin Dawn, her "wonder twin" - a joke and nickname the pair shared as children.
Although Buhrmaster-Bunch spoke to Dawn on Dec. 11, three days before she died, the text became the last message Buhrmaster-Bunch received from her beloved cousin.
On Dec. 14, Dawn Lafferty-Hochsprung, the former principal of Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., was killed at 47, along with five other adult staff members and 20 children in what became the second-worst school shooting in American history.
Buhrmaster-Bunch, the assistant vice presidentof corporate and foundation relations at UB, said they were the "wonder twins" because the two were so similar to each other yet so different from the rest of their family. She believes the text message may have been more than a coincidence.
"I don't know if it was a reminder of her just saying: 'Hey, I'm still here with you,'" Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "It's funny because you see things like this, and you can't believe something this horrific or tragic could happen - but you're removed from it. And it's still surreal, and you never think it will ever hit home. But I think this was a real dose of reality. Life is short."
The day of the shooting, Buhrmaster-Bunch was at UB, and her day was packed with meetings. Her mother called and left a voicemail, which she thought was strange because her mother never called her during the day. She knew something wasn't right.
In the midst of her hectic schedule, she heard there was something major going on in the news. While she was aware it was a school shooting, she didn't find out until noon it was Hochsprung's school. By 3:30 p.m., it was confirmed her cousin had passed away. Buhrmaster-Bunch traveled to Connecticut the next day.
She wasn't surprised when reports came out about how Hochsprung and two other teachers rushed the shooter in an effort to disarm him.
"If she knew someone was going to be hurting a child or someone that she loved, there is nothing that would have stopped her," Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "He had guns; she didn't. If he didn't have guns, I truly believe she would have bowled him over and beat the living crap out of him."
Hochsprung's wake took place on Dec. 19, and over 2,500 people attended. It was supposed to end at 8 p.m. but continued for an extra three hours because of the overwhelming number of people, Buhrmaster-Bunch said.
The police told her people waited in the cold in a line that stretched three quarters of a mile to pay their condolences to the principal.
That week, Buhrmaster-Bunch realized the magnitude of her cousin's influence. She heard stories from some of Hochsprung's current students, former students, colleagues and many others.
"This didn't just hit my family; this hit the world," Buhrmaster-Bunch said.
The town has received support from all over the globe, she said. She was pleasantly surprised with the sympathy cards and words of condolences, even from people she didn't know.
"The University at Buffalo community has been amazing," Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "I do wish to thank them because their support, their thoughts and their prayers were just amazing."
Buhrmaster-Bunch balanced her grief with dealing with the media as the self-proclaimed "family spokesperson." She even had to check for a recording bug in every one of at least 200 flower arrangements sent to her family because it was rumored another victim's family found one.
Buhrmaster-Bunch said her cousin was her hero. Even when they were children, Buhrmaster-Bunch looked up to her and joined the track and swim team solely because Hochsprung did.
She has a number of memories of her cousin, but her favorite ones were of the vacations they took together. Their vacation to Bar Harbor, Maine, stood out in particular because it was the last vacation they took before either was married. The pair shared a close relationship, which continued even into their marriages.
Buhrmaster-Bunch and her family are still trying to cope with their grief. She said the wounds are still fresh, so spending time with her family was the best way to deal with it.
Laughter was a key part of her relationship with her cousin, and she believes continuing laughing is important. In her eulogy at the funeral, Buhrmaster-Bunch said she had the entire room laughing because that was the way Hochsprung would have wanted it.
"Laughter is so powerful, and even though our hearts were broken, laughter helped lift our spirits, if even for a moment," Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "Dawn would have wanted us to laugh."
Buhrmaster-Bunch wrote a letter to Adam Lanza, the shooter who took his own life. She said it was a way to get her thoughts onto paper, which really helped her cope.
"It's not uncommon when people are dealing with severe trauma for them to try to reach that higher level of closure so that they can confront the situation," said Daniel Antonius, a psychiatrist and assistant psychiatry professor at UB. "Trying to reach the person who caused the trauma could be the last step in getting that closure."
Hochsprung's family started the Dawn Lafferty-Hochsprung Memorial Fund. The foundation is a scholarship for students from Naugatuck High School, Hochsprung's alma mater, who are pursuing a career in teaching.
"I knew she was a hero before the rest of the world did because of what she did every day," Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "Her passion for education was unbelievable. We need more teachers like her."
Buhrmaster-Bunch recalls how Hochsprung would put on a dress covered in lights and carry a wand around, calling herself "the book fairy," at Sandy Hook. She would grant students free time from classwork to read for fun - even outside if the weather was nice.
Hochsprung told Buhrmaster-Bunch she would make a great teacher. Even though Buhrmaster-Bunch didn't agree, she said she got her master's in education because she trusted her cousin.
Shortly after the shooting, citizens of Newtown created an organization called Newtown United, which has since been renamed Sandy Hook Promise. It raised $6 million for the victims' families. The families have not yet received the money, as the group is working through the legal system to distribute the funds. The organization is also fighting for stricter gun control laws and further research in mental health. Buhrmaster-Bunch has recently joined the organization.
"There has been so much good that has come out of this, as well, and it has restored my faith that there is still good in this world and that there probably is a lot more good than there is evil," Buhrmaster-Bunch said.
She believes there is a lot that can be done to prevent another shooting like this from happening. She said there needs to be more attention given to children and students with mental health needs.
"I couldn't imagine someone in their right mind would go and forcefully enter a school and then kill children, or anyone for that matter," Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "In my mind and opinion, it is a mental health issue, and we need to focus on that ... If Adam Lanza had had the services that he needed or the help that he needed, maybe this could have been prevented."
Buhrmaster-Bunch described her cousin as robust, vibrant and lively. She was constantly happy and oftentimes had a smile on her face, and Buhrmaster-Bunch tries to emulate that. She is always willing to share a story about her cousin.
"Each of us is dealing with our grief in our own way," Buhrmaster-Bunch said. "There may be a point in time where I, or other members of my family, will talk to a grief counselor, but the wounds are still fresh.
No two people are alike, just like no two people experience grief in the same way, according to Jenifer Lawrence, associate dean for Student Affairs and Administration and director of the counselor education Ph.D. program. Lawrence specializes in counseling children, adolescents and adults with issues of grief and loss.
She said people often use writing to express their thoughts and feelings to handle grief. Some people may work on a piece of art or play music to give meaning to their grieving.
For Buhrmaster-Bunch, talking to people about Hochsprung and continuing her legacy is a personal way of dealing with the grief.
But ultimately, Buhrmaster-Bunch thinks everyone needs to be more present.
"We need to be more aware of our children and everyone," she said. "We are glued to our cell phones, glued to technology. There is a human component missing ... maybe [we need to] do more with our children and [be] more aware with what's going on, rather than being so self-absorbed with our daily routines."
Hochsprung was a devoted mother and grandmother who always put her students first and even knew all 600-plus by name, according to her cousin.
Buhrmaster-Bunchcontinues to reflect on the many pieces of advice her cousin gave her throughout her life.
She said Hochsprung's biggest piece of advice was simple: "chocolate makes everything better."
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Photo: Breadchastick / Wikimedia Commons
