Guys, imagine this for a moment: you're sitting in Knox 20, looking around the lecture hall in order to keep from falling asleep, and you spot her. That quiet girl from your world civilization recitation that always sits in the corner. What was her name again? Lorna? Laura?
Who would have guessed she'd be in this class, too? I mean there are 30,000 other students at UB - what are the odds you'd both be in the same classes, especially the same 15-person recitation?
If you are thinking about using this logic as a reason to approach her, you need to halt. Freeze. Stop right there. There is a right way to go about this and a totally wrong make-you-look-like-a-stalker way to go about this. You, my friend, are probably heading in the stalker direction.
The first step is learning her name. You don't want to accidentally call her Tracey when her name is Kasey, because then all hope is gone before a relationship even has a chance to develop.
The next step is actually speaking to her and approaching her in an appropriate manner. Don't just jump into a conversation she's having with someone else - there is nothing more unattractive than an eavesdropper who feels the need to put in his two cents.
It is possible to insert yourself into her conversations (and hopefully life) in seamless fashion. Exhibit A: She's talking about how nervous she is for an exam, or how much she hates the professor that you share. You see that she's feeling this way, so randomly bring up how you feel about the course and see if a conversation sparks. That's a much less creepy way to start conversation.
Even then, you need to be careful. Saying, "Oh, are you talking about Professor So and SO? Yeah, he's really awesome," is totally acceptable. Asking her opinion about a test you just took is OK, too.
Asking what other classes she's taken is totally acceptable. Asking her if she's taken? Totally not. Invitation for simple discourse is fine; being too nosy is not.
Now here is the part I find that most gentlemen struggle with: you must give her some space. Your first conversation is not an invitation to suddenly chat all the time or seek her out in a lecture hall of 500 and set up camp right next to her. You need to wait for some signals from her before you pursue further action.
I am a girl, and I know that sometimes the female gender can be confusing. The chances of her coming over and sitting next to you are slim to none. At least I wouldn't move my seat based on a short, academic-related comment.
She might smile at you when she walks into recitation, tell you she likes your haircut, or ask you a question about the lecture you had last Tuesday. Now these are invitations to up the flirtation level and put on your most charming smile.
To me, this is a very simple process. There's give and take from both parties, and if nothing else, it results in a casual but enjoyable friendship. I will never understand you boys or what drives you to invade personal space in an excessive manner. I do not want to be forced to chat on the long walk from NSC to Clemens, and if I talk on the phone while you're walking next to me, take the hint.
On the chance that you take my advice and reach a friendly level with your classmate, please remember that nothing is more unattractive than arrogance. I don't want to hear about your weekend of drunken video games with your friends or hear you complain about how much you had to work this week. Most likely, no girl really wants to hear any of that.
The moral of this? Don't be a creeper. Use your common sense, don't overstep your boundaries, and be patient. She'll be far more accepting of your approach if you keep it classy.
Email: megandre@buffalo.edu
