Generation magazine, a friend to amateur botanists everywhere, has a cause for celebration. It was found that the nitrogen, potassium and phosphorus content of just one Generation magazine can support the life cycle of the rarest plants.
"The mineral content of one Generation magazine can allow a student to grow a superbus quisquiliae," said Carolyn Arbor of UB Gardening and Landscaping, "which is normally one of the most tenuous plants to grow."
The ingredients of a Generation magazine surpass most other fertilizers in terms of content. Arbor said UB Gardening and Landscaping opted to use this year's volume of Generation as fertilizer because its usual plant food, Visions, was simply devoid of nutritious content.
"The nutrient uptake level for plants when grown with a Generation is beyond what most conventional fertilizers can accomplish," Arbor said.
It seems that Generation's underlying composition has a lot in common with manure. They both are especially suited for promoting growth in plants that are normally a headache for botanists. They both have an offensive smell initially, but one can grow easily accustomed to its odor over time and begin to appreciate its ability to flower your garden.
Surprisingly, students are finding that there is a use for Generation, and are taking it upon themselves to apply this revelation.
Adam Smith, a sophomore economics major, was overjoyed.
"Finally, my Generation can be used for more than just housebreaking my pet," he said. "I never thought I'd see this day come."
According to Arbor, there are steps that can be taken to maximize Generation's full potential. Growing with a Generation magazine is easier than it looks, she said. She added that the warmth of the air produced by the pages would assist with the growth of any garden.
Smith said he found that most any Generation magazine will do the job, but the strongest candidates for this task are issues that revolve around Generation's take on global affairs or domestic politics that have the least literary value.
Arbor added that the pages of Generation must be broken into smaller parts to help plants grow.
"Picture- and graphic-heavy pages - particularly those of the Pulse section - tend to be less nutritious than text heavy pages like The Back Beat but the graphics that sprinkle the pages provide a convenient focal point in which to tear the page."
"The carbon content of 'Ashes of an American Flag' is especially beneficial to plants like the Fleur-de-Lis," she added.
All gardeners agreed that The Valentine's issue of Generation is particularly effective in creating a brilliant bouquet for your sweetheart. The photos of the pasty white bodies of its staffers provide enough reflected sunlight to assist with the photosynthetic process.
It may seem like magic, but the true acknowledgment goes to the writers of the Generation, whose articles are simply full of it. Without their hard work, the fate of plants might be endangered to lesser substitutes such as animal droppings.
