A rite of passage

This Valentine's Day, I decided to look back into my past and analyze my life thus far. As a 19-year-old, I've experienced a lot in my life that has made me the man that I am today. I've had many relationships in that time span.

Yet, there is one who has stood out and built the foundation of my manhood all on her own. The nostalgic romance that we shared was like none other, and that woman is the sole reason I am who I am today. That lucky lady was Elsa Benitez. Miss Benitez, that is, and the rest of the 2001 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue models (I didn't forget about you, Lujan Fernandez).

The time is Feb. 2001. I, a strapping young lad, am currently on my way home from another day in the seventh grade. As I sit in the second-to-last seat on our yellow bus, I pull a magazine out of my book bag, like Charlie pulled the golden ticket out of his chocolate bar. My friends and I stared at each and every page with more anticipation than the one before.

As I stared at Shirley Mallmann in her lavender and white polka-dotted bikini, our bus-aide came in like a storm cloud, and with a thunderous boom stated, "I need to take that." That very statement was the beginning of my maturation - my proverbial Bar Mitzvah, if you will. The following statement would come to define my manhood.

"Hell no."

Granted, I had to sit in the front of the bus for the rest of the week, but I had become a man. Graced by these gorgeous women in next-to-nothing, I enjoyed sitting in that first seat on the bus because I knew that, with Heidi Klum by my side, I had come of age.

Take my friend Dan, for example. Dan, like myself, became a man in 2001 after his fateful encounter with the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. As Dan came home from school, he sped into his house and threw the mail around until he found his father's issue. Without thinking, he took the issue and ran into his room, holding the key to the next stage in his life. While, to this day, Dan's father is still waiting for that issue to come in the mail, Dan doesn't care. He's a man.

In 2004, a young man named Chris was given his first subscription to Sports Illustrated as a Christmas present. Unaware of the special issue that would soon infiltrate his mailbox, he read his normal issues week-by-week, drilling sports knowledge into his soul.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, as the leaves on the trees turned from green to red. While cleaning through a pile of junk, Chris saw an advertisement for a free Jimmy Buffett CD-ROM. As he pulled the advertisement out of the pile, his pupils dilated as Veronika Verakova bit her thumb and stared into his eyes. He was in love. Chris' story has been greatly exaggerated for dramatic purposes, but you get the point.

Can the pattern be seen? While some are offended by this once-a-year issue, millions of young males across the country use this magazine as a catalyst for their manhood. Little Johnny doesn't need to kiss Sally Sue under the monkey bars at the playground anymore, considering he has taken it to the next level with his new romantic interest, Tyra Banks. It gives boys something to strive for in life.

More importantly, fathers can still give a magazine to their son, and it doesn't need to be a Playboy or a Penthouse. If taste is an issue, Sports Illustrated is the way to go; the photographers show these women in an artistic form as well as define the beauty of the female body as a whole with no visible nudity involved. Most importantly, Bridget Hall in a painted on Dallas Cowboys jersey is pretty sexy, and should never be passed up.

When all is said and done, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is a Bible for young men across the world. While as awkward as it might be for one's mother to find the issue in the mail, the pros outweigh the cons. These issues have been a staple in our society since Babette March graced the cover in 1964.

For those who care, Miss Benitez and I are still good friends. While she resides underneath my jeans in my dresser, we still hang out from time to time. When we do, we reminisce the good times, and how she has made me the man that I am today.

Thank you Elsa.