The moment I stepped foot onto the UB campus at the beginning of my freshman year, I had one clear goal in mind: find a boyfriend. And so, I started to consider my options. I could do it old school and try to meet someone in a bar, but then wouldn’t I look creepy? Perhaps I could meet someone in my classes, but who goes up to their random classmates and asks them out? I certainly did not want to.
So, I did what any rational person would do; I downloaded Tinder, Hinge and all the dating apps I could think of in order to find my person. Imagine my surprise when I realized that most gay men don’t want relationships. Instead, I found that all they want are casual sex, one-night stands, and, if you’re (un)lucky, a situationship. But this was not the future I had imagined for myself. Since when did hookup culture completely destroy romance?
With the introduction of dating apps in the early 2010s, “hookup culture” has risen with casual sex and situationships — an intimate relationship that is in a gray area between a casual friendship and a formal partnership. Since then, hookups have been becoming increasingly popular, with many choosing one-night-stands over the possibility of something more meaningful. Unfortunately, I too, had once found myself to be a victim of hookup culture, trapped in the seemingly-endless cycle of situationships and Tinder swipes.
It’s true that finding a partner isn’t the same for LGBTQ+ individuals. It can be much more challenging. Straight people have the power of assumption, meaning that they can go up to someone they find attractive and not have to worry about their sexuality. For gay people, it’s not as simple. You can’t just go up to a cute person in a coffee shop or a park because the majority of the time, they’re going to be straight. In fact, this is primarily the reason why I found myself scrolling on the apps, because at least you can find other gay people on it, even if everything is just at face value.
Dating apps definitely do have their positives. I’ve found plenty of great people, some of whom I’ve clicked with and others I have not. I even got two relationships out of it, so finding someone from an app is certainly possible.
But it shouldn’t be the only way in this day and age, especially when LGBTQ+ individuals are receiving more advocacy than ever before. Even if most people are straight, we shouldn’t have to subject ourselves to the ideals of heteronormativity by not putting ourselves out there. To be quite frank, I highly doubt that most people want to say that they met their partner off a dating app, even if the stigma around them is decreasing.
Pat Benatar was indeed correct in saying that “love is a battlefield,” but honestly, it’s starting to feel like a warzone out here.
The opinions desk can be reached at opinions@ubspectrum.com
