Yankee disease

I'm what you call a "Yankee hater," but it's not the players, the team, the owners or what they stand for that I hate.

Before you tear this page into little pieces, read what I have to say. I won't try to convince you not to like them; I just have to get this justification off my chest. And, for the "real" Yankee fans, disregard the following, unless you want to team-up with me to cleanse your fan base.

Everywhere around me there are people sporting Yankees' gear; it's become a fashion trend. Being an extremely vain person I would love nothing more to take part in this fashion show, the only baseball hats I see in Buffalo are Yankee hats!

Maybe local Abercrombie stores could put out a special line of Yankees gear. Seems to me like that would be the ultimate in style. Plus then we could distinguish the real fans from those claiming the title but more concerned with the trendy aspects.

I'm lucky though, my dad and my grandma love the Yankees so it would be perfectly within my rights as a sports fan to follow my sports lineage.

But would it be acceptable for me to don a stylish blue and white Yanks new era cap?

Absolutely not!

I love what the Yankees stand for. I love that they have to keep their hair cut and their faces clean-shaven. In today's world they are some of the last professionals in all of athletics. Look at Johnny Damon for crying out loud! He was one step short of being sasquatch junior before he jumped into his pinstripes, and now he's just another classy-looking Yank.

It's unbelievable how much I want to like them. They have the potential to be my favorite team in all of sports - they're trendy, successful, rich, classy and of course an icon of greatness.

But the problem lies not in the team, it's in the fans. Everyone I meet that claims to be a fan I'll accuse of having "jumped on the bandwagon" (even if I'm just joking). These "fans" will immediately defend themselves saying "I've been a Yankee fan forever," which is usually followed by "My Dad/Grandpa/Mom/Grandma was always a Yankee fan." If I had no self-respect or self-control I would be a fan making the same excuses.

First of all, unless you're from New York City shut up, because your whole family could be posers just like you. If you were a fan during the hard times when Danny Tartabull was the only long ball threat, Steve Howe was doing coke in the bullpen, and the teams record was below .500, then you're a real fan. With most of the fans, not only do I not believe their "I've been a Yankee fan forever," but so what if your family is full of fans?

My family is full of Yankee fans too. My dad never misses a game on TV, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to blindly lead myself into the same trap. That's like saying "I'm a republican because my dad is." Oh, sorry Mr. Conformist, I didn't realize that you were a societal zombie incapable of thinking on your own.

You're not fans. You just worship that big N-Y and the "culture" it stands for. I'm so sorry for the real fans (you know who you are), and I respect you. You are the reason I wrote this, you are the guy that I want to be, (along with everyone else) but at least I realize I never can.

Maybe real Yankee fans are really are the coolest of the cool. After all everyone says that imitation is the biggest form of flattery. But I'm pretty sure that it's also partly because people away from NYC all realize that NYC is the center of United States culture, the center of commerce and the center of the "cool."

Come on now, you know I'm right about this one. I'm not even from the city! I'm from about the smallest town in Upstate N.Y., and I can admit that!

Oh well, maybe when global warming hits, putting downstate under water, Buffalo will become the "new" New York City and everyone, everywhere will want to sport Losman jerseys and hats with a blue buffalo. Then I can know that I'm one of the "real" Bills fans. I guess that's a bit much to suggest, so I suppose I would settle for one fake Yankee fan's mother disowning him when she realizes her son's sins.

Alright, I'll get off my high horse, but I must leave you with a final thought.

If you're saying to yourself, "Man that guy's right! Screw all those fake fans," chances are good you missed the point.