I still vividly remember the first time I watched “Slumdog Millionaire” with my peers in the seventh grade. Hearing the applause of my classmates, and the praise given to the remarkable acting of Dev Patel, gave me a certain pride. Although I don’t know him personally, seeing someone who looks like me in a leading role in cinema filled me with not only joy, but a sense of confidence — a feeling that the culture I love and view so highly had a rightful place in Hollywood. But at the same time, it clashed with the expectations that I had always known — expectations that spanned centuries, and left little room for dreams like these.
Growing up in an immigrant household, I was always familiar with the sacred trifecta: doctor, lawyer or engineer. These paths were seen as stable, respectable and secure. Though, I have also been fortunate to have a family that is deeply supportive, encouraging me to pursue hobbies that I am deeply passionate about. As I’ve gotten older and begun to have conversations with my fellow peers, I’ve learned that the constant push to explore those three professions becomes suffocating. I’ve started to question not just this expectation, but the emotions attached to them.
Is it fair to grow resentment toward the very people who instilled these beliefs in us?
There’s no doubt in my mind that this mentality can be harmful. The pressure to conform to a predetermined path can be suffocating and stress-inducing, often leading to a fear of disappointing those we love the most. It can make true passions feel secondary, rather than something worth pursuing. In that sense, these long-standing expectations need to be challenged. Families should be held accountable for the ways in which their beliefs may limit or harm their children.
But at the same time, I’ve come to understand where this mindset comes from. For many immigrant parents, coming to America was not about chasing dreams. It was about survival. Their priority was to build a life from the ground up, to secure a stable income, and to ensure that basic needs for their family were never uncertain. Financial instability is usually a distant fear for people, but for many immigrant parents, this was a lived reality. A constant pressure to provide and protect was always looming — a circumstance that can kill a person’s morale.
Because of their predicament, they push their children toward careers that promise security — not to control them, but to protect them. They want their children to never experience the same uncertainty, to never feel financially insecure and instead have the freedom to live life on their own terms. To them, becoming a doctor, lawyer or engineer is a way to avoid the mentality of survival.
But intention does not erase the consequences. These expectations, even when rooted in love, continue to limit, pressure and harm. They silence passions, create internal conflicts, and make individuals believe that success is guaranteed by blindly following the desires of their parents. This should not be ignored, and definitely not excused.
We can acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifices our families made while refusing to inherit every belief that came with them. We can respect their hustle and determination while also recognizing that times have changed. Pursuing a career that provides fulfillment and purpose matters just as much as stability.
To effectively move forward, there must be both accountability and understanding. There should be no blind acceptance or resentment. Honest conversations, strict boundaries, and courage to challenge these beliefs are crucial. And I know it’s way easier said than done. A mindset spanning centuries is not the easiest to alter, but that’s the job of a parent. Becoming a parent is not just about providing financial security and a roof over our heads. It’s about listening, and realizing that true joy is witnessing the success of your children in a career that fulfills them.
Hopefully our generation can break this cyclic, damaging expectation and cultivate an atmosphere defined by love and support, regardless of career choice.
Saqib Khan is the assistant features editor and can be reached at saqib.khan@ubspectrum.com
