Pay the Mack
Khalil Mack’s newest contract could be good for UB
Khalil Mack makes how much money?
Yes, this past week Khalil Mack became the highest paid defensive player in NFL history with a six-year deal worth $141 million.
If you’re not already aware, Khalil Mack was a student athlete at UB. He became the highest-ever drafted pick for a player from Buffalo and earned the 2016 NFL Defensive Player of the Year award.
Now, one player does not justify all of that money getting funnelled into football and athletics as a whole but, now that Khalil Mack is making all of this money, think of what he could do with it.
Khalil, I feel like I can call you Khalil because of the deep connection between us. You had a pick six when we played at Ohio State and I got rejected from there. With your new contract, there is so much you can do to help your alma mater.
You could help control the goose population, or get a parking structure named after you, or a parking structure named after you, or a parking structure named after you. What I am saying is fix the parking problem and we’ll love you forever.
In all honesty, it’s unlikely that Khalil will donate to UB to build us a new desperately needed parking structure. But it’s fun to imagine all the things UB could do with $141 million.
The Ellicott Complex aka “Legoland” is in dire need of upkeep. The brutalist architecture that taints all of North Campus can be changed. Its design, that has been rumored to be inspired by a Japanese prison system to prevent riots, can all be demolished. Goodbye to rooms sticking awkwardly out the side of buildings or seeing freshmen argue from their giant windows.
So long are all the LED strips masking the scent of underage drinking and saying “shhh” to one another as quiet hours begin. The Atrium and its linoleum lifeline can also be replaced. Also, can we chill out with the brick next time?
Khalil can use some of the money to donate new Zipcars –– preferably Teslas –– so UB can keep its sustainability initiative and not charge us $2 to rent a bike. Or he can use it to power wash all the buildings, including that one wall between Lockwood and Baldy that’s been getting washed for six months already.
With $141 million, UB can finally move up in the rankings against Binghamton and Stony Brook, professors won’t have to worry about funding and English TA’s won’t have to worry about their stipends.
$141 million also allows every single student to receive a weekly ration of one carton of cigarettes as Buffalo continuously refuses to enforce its “UB Breathe-Free” policy. Hey, maybe the money can be used to enforce it as well.
Even other UB football players currently playing in the NFL can help. Although they’re not making close to what Mack makes per game, any semblance of a successful UB grad can be used to display our athletics success. Kristjan Sokoli, a defensive end for the New York Giants makes $555,000 per season, tight end Mason Schreck makes only $480,000 this season and Demone Harris will make just $129,000 as a member of Tampa Bay’s practice squad. That’s an additional $1 million for our school!
Khalil can be Buffalo’s savior once again and lead us to a new era of Bull greatness thanks to his freakish athletic ability.