Relationships end for a reason - people drift apart and the romance fizzles out. Each party goes its separate ways with hurt feelings and no real desire to ever see the other again.
In many cases, though, a problem seems to arise: your ex is a part of your group of friends.
So you have to be civil with each other. You don't fight as if you're Ron and Sami from Jersey Shore, but there's still the underlying layer of awkwardness that just doesn't go away.
I know a lot of couples that have broken up recently. To become friends with an ex isn't anybody's top priority of the semester. Unfortunately, though, sometimes it has to be done for the sake of your group's friendship. In college, you get into a groove with a certain group of people and it becomes your family away from home.
A breakup within your college family can seem like a divorce.
Mutual friends try not to take sides, both parties take blame for the tension, possessions are divided and the never-ending custody battle of whose room you should hang out in comes after.
Things don't have to be this awkward. In most situations, the group is looking for cues from the ex couple on how to act.
If you avoid your ex like the plague in a group setting, your friends will notice and assume things are still hostile between the two of you. This is true in some cases and you and your partner may need to take some time to get over each other.
If you're confused how to act around your ex, here are a few helpful tips:
In a group setting - it may be easy to blend into the group and avoid speaking to your ex, but that could look suspicious after a while.
Hopefully, before the break up, you weren't the touchy feely type while hanging out with your friends. So just act how you used to act. Don't be afraid to sit with your ex, or laugh at one of his or her jokes. You are friends now, and you should think of your ex as just another person to hang out with. Don't over think it.
Alone - If you get caught in a setting where you are face-to-face and alone with the ex, take a deep breath and stand up straight.
Act normally. Remember you're friends now and just because you aren't romantically compatible doesn't mean you can't be socially compatible. You started dating for a reason: a mutual liking for one another.
When you're out during the weekend - It may be hard to watch an ex grind up against that newbie who is not nearly as pretty as you. But you have to remember that you're not together anymore.
Try to go find your own eye candy to have fun with. You can even try to be his wingman if you are emotionally stable enough. Just because you and him didn't work out doesn't mean you can't help him find a girl.
According to Cosmopolitan, it is possible to be friends with an ex. The experts say as long as there is no reminisce of sexual desire, as long as you don't mind seeing your partner with someone else, and as long as he or she is someone whose friendship you truly value, then the two of you can handle life in the friend zone.
However, according to askmen.com, it is never a good idea to become friends with an ex, no matter what. They say that it will only cause bitterness, jealousy and a flood of returning memories every time you smell something that reminds you of her.
Both of these sources make a valid point.
It doesn't matter how long you have been broken up or if the two of you have both moved on - certain situations will hurt a little bit. For example, when your group of friends goes to that bar where the two of you played your first game of pool or when you hear "your" song on the radio, the memories will start rushing into your head.
But in these situations you have to take a moment and remember why the relationship ended.
Sometimes a relationship will end and there is no way a friendship can persist. Maybe you were cheated on, you were in an abusive relationship or you caught him trying on your red pumps and little black dress.
It is a hard thing to do, but if it's possible, becoming friends with an ex could be a rewarding experience. I'm sure the break up was hard for both of you, but being able to stay friends softens the blow.
We should all remember the wise words of that classic song nobody knows the name of: "As long as we can live in harmony, why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?"
Email: rachel.kramer@ubspectrum.com
