Sexpectations

I recently overheard a boy complaining to his friends about one of his wild nights out at the bars over the weekend. A girl supposedly "wasted his precious time" by making out with him all night and then denying to go home with him.

If you refer to one of my previous columns you know that I'm aware of the main objective of most guys when they go out: to get laid. I wasn't born yesterday - we're all in college and we like to have fun. What I didn't realize, though, is that if there's no sex, there's no fun.

I don't judge girls that take home the first boy they make eye contact with at the bar. I believe that women are entitled to make their own decisions about their sex lives and, if their reputations suffer because of their choices, they can find a way to fix that on their own.

I do judge and pity girls that don't know how to make their own decisions - the girls that cave under the pressure guys put on them.

In this day and age, it seems guys don't understand the concept of ending the night with a kiss. Once lips lock, a light bulb goes off in a man's head and he automatically expects to be inside of the girl at some point during the night - or, if she's too drunk, at least the morning after.

I've seen situations where guys literally beg girls to come home with them. Once a girl relents, though, just being there isn't enough for him. He'll beg for a blowjob, a hand job, and, inevitably, sex. He'll make the girl feel stupid for saying no and make her feel prudish for not wanting to "just have some fun."

News flash, guys: it's not "simple fun" if she feels like she's being taken advantage of or if she only agreed to pleasure you because you pressured her to do so. Chances are the night will end with you putting another notch on your bedpost while she goes home crying, wondering when she became "that" kind of girl.

In middle school, being prude meant being afraid to hold hands and hug your "boyfriend" of the week. The next step was being too nervous or not wanting to kiss someone. Now it means not wanting to let someone you barely know get in your sheets and in between your legs.

Too many girls are too scared to say no.

"Well, if I had sex with that blonde kid the night I met him I guess it wouldn't be fair for me to say no to the one asking to come over tonight, right?"

Wrong. If you felt bad about yourself the last time you fell victim to the pressures a guy put on you, then you will feel equally - if not more - shameful the next time. Don't think that because you did something once or twice you have to do it all the time. You can change your ways when you realize that you're worth more than what this random boy is making you out to be.

Often we forget who we are and who we want to be. Sometimes the girl that the random charming boy at the bar wants us to be is the girl we become. We let their expectations enter our minds and they engrave themselves there.

While having wild Sex and The City status sex with someone you find incredibly attractive who you share loads of sexual tension with is fiery and fun, having it with someone just because he won't stop asking is not.

If you want to get down and dirty and wake up next to his face in the morning, after letting him shake your bed all night, then go for it. But girl, if you're not feeling it tonight, then say no. You're entitled to; it's just easy to forget that in this day and age.

Email: keren.baruch@ubspectrum.com