We may not all be princesses waiting in a deep sleep for Prince Charming's impeccable kiss to wake us up. We may not be frogs searching the world for someone's lips to lock with ours so we evolve into beautiful and royal beings. We may laugh at the fairy tales after we've grown up, but those stories put kissing on such a high pedestal.
The strength and power of a kiss should not be undermined. Sometimes a kiss has more meaning than sexual intercourse.
According to the article "Affairs of the Lips: Why We Kiss" by Chip Walter, "a kiss triggers a cascade of neural messages and chemicals that transmit tactile sensations, sexual excitement, feelings of closeness, motivation and even euphoria."
Let's go back to the days before we knew proper lip-lock technique. That dreadful moment when the bottle spun, it landed on you, and you made eye contact with the boy who was about to become your first kiss. You closed your eyes and didn't know which way to turn your head, hoping that your noses wouldn't bump and that the 27 tic-tacs you shoved in your mouth five minutes prior masked your bad breathe.
The anxious feeling, which would not leave the pit of your belly before your first few kisses, no longer exists. After some time passes, kissing becomes less meaningful and people's techniques change.
There are moments, though, when you kiss someone and realize his technique matches perfectly with yours, and that you finally may have found the one that you don't have to coach over time to become better at moving his lips and tongue properly.
Until that moment comes, watch out for the lip-lockers that will leave you gagging.
The Vampire:
If you've ever encountered The Vampire, you officially know what it's like to not have a lip for a day or two. The Vampire finds it necessary to bite down on your lip as hard as possible, leaving you bruised, swollen, and uncomfortable for the rest of the kiss and most likely, also the rest of the week.
To avoid exchanging blood along with your saliva, tell him to calm down with the teeth action. A light nibble, or even quickly sucking his lower lip, is sexy and cute and will give him the hint that you don't appreciate the enamel on his teeth becoming your new chap stick.
The Ice Cream Licker:
The awkward moment when you're so ready for your lips to touch his and, instead of lip-to-lip contact, you find yourself stuck in a lip-to-tongue situation. Yeah, we've all been there. There's nothing more nauseating than feeling like your mouth is a boy's favorite ice cream flavor. It gets worse, though, when he is so slobbery that his tongue finds his way to the corners of your mouth and the mustache that you forgot to get wax this week.
When he uses way too much tongue that you're left wiping saliva off of your face with your sleeve, you know he's not the one. Try to be up front and tell him that you do not appreciate his drool on your face and that if you wanted to kiss a dog, you'd find one.
If you don't want to be so offensive and you have a close enough relationship, then jokingly be slobbery back and tell him that's how you feel while he's kissing you and to try using more of his lip than his tongue.
The Mouth-open-do-you-even-have-a-tongue-I'm-confused:
In this situation, he just kisses you with his mouth open. No movement. No small pecks. No tongue. You're usually left wondering if he fell asleep on you.
I don't know what urges people to participate in this type of kissing, or if this should even qualify as kissing, but in this situation run away.
If you don't feel like hitting and quitting it (he better be really cute), then tell him to act a little bit more into you. Tell him you don't feel wanted when he just stands there with his lips on yours, making no movement.
The What's-a-French-kiss?
This one kind of falls into the same category as the previous untalented kisser, however, in this case there is slight pecking involved. This can be cute in public places, when waking up in the morning, and when saying goodbye to a partner.
This kiss is not acceptable, though, during an intense, hot and fiery, scene straight out of Sex & the City session. Tongue is crucial to a make-out. Simply touching lips gets boring and awkward.
The I-can-tie-a-cherry-stem-in-a-knot-with-my-tongue:
Do you ever feel like your make-out partner is trying to do wacky things with your tongue? Tell him to stop.
Sometimes guys try to be impressive and sort of kinky with their technique, which works for some girls. But if it's making you uncomfortable and you're left confused by what he's trying to do, just tell him to stop. Chances are he's a pretty good kisser; he just doesn't know that you're into simplicity.
One of most girls' biggest pet peeves is when guys leave their eyes open while kissing. What are you watching? The blackheads on my nose?
In conclusion...
Kissing is an underrated act these days, and many people skip analyzing the kiss and jump straight to the sex. Taking time to evaluate your kisses and finding a partner whose lips you truly enjoy can be marvelous.
Either avoid the partners whose techniques you cannot stand, or take the time to train them until you successfully make out without bumping heads or feeling like your Pomeranian has a better method.
Most of all, be safe, be smart, and make out.
Email: keren.baruch@ubspectrum.com
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
