It's bound to happen to us women at some point in our lives. Whether it was in kindergarten, high school, college, or even if you're in your mid-30s and it's happening right now.
The awkward moment when you realize you may or may not be interested in your best guy friend.
It's natural for this completely twisted emotion to arise. You know that he likes you for you, because friends form opinions on each other based on personality and not just looks. You probably feel comfortable around him because – let's be honest – it's nice to have someone that won't gag at the site of you with white pimple cream on your face.
Having sex is the closest anyone can ever physically be to you (unless you're counting the speculum that your gyno sticks into your vagina), and wanting to let someone who's emotionally close to you inside of you is common.
But do not, I repeat, do NOT, act on this sentiment. Friends are meant to be, just that, friends.
Picture him going down on you.
If you truly are best friends you probably know all about his ex-hookups, and have probably even formed a relationship of your own with them. Think back to all of the times he spoke to you about the relationships in his life. Telling you about all of the moments when he second-guessed a relationship, telling you about the fishy smell down there, the times he got jealous, the time he brought home a psychopath and had to figure out a way to kick her out, and, of course, the moment he thought he really fell in love. Think about every intimate conversation you've had with him about another girl.
Now picture him down there like you're his favorite flavor on a cone. Not so attractive anymore, is it?
You don't want to be the next girl he talks about. And even more, you don't want to lose your best friend.
If you give in, things can become complicated. You may slowly start to become distant emotionally, and conversations can become awkward. You no longer have the ability to talk about your deepest thoughts intimately and freely because most of them pertain to each other. You wait for his texts asking you to hang out, but he doesn't send them. He's too scared because he's having trouble figuring out how he feels about sleeping with his best friend.
"On one hand, if you are super close you can call him out on his bullshit if he starts to act weird. On the other hand, if you are super close, you have more to lose if your friendship goes down the tubes," according to sexandthetwenties.com.
Don't confuse starting an intimate relationship with your best friend with a random drunk hook up, however.
We're in college. It's inevitable that we make bad decisions under the influence of alcohol, and making out with (or sleeping with) your best friend may very well happen. In this scenario, it's smart to discuss what happened, make it clear that you're both on the same page, and agree that whatever happened was a mistake.
If you secretly loved every second of the drunken hook up, but see that your best friend is already acting weird, save yourself the trouble. Don't act on your feelings and just stick to the friendship.
My advice goes against every sappy love poem and every quote that encourages girls to follow their heart and go for the ‘love' of their life. Sometimes, people need this reality check and need to learn how to catch themselves before the heartache.
Have your wild sex with someone that you can get to know over time and grow with – not someone that already knows you inside and out. Someone that if you lose, you won't suffer.
Save the trouble, keep the friend. But most of all, be safe, be smart, and be sexual.
Email: keren.baruch@ubspectrum.com
