Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon
Director: Michael Bay
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Release Date: June 29
As the poster and trailer proudly proclaim, Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon is the latest film by Michael Bay (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen), with Bay being to film what Burger King is to cuisine. Unfortunately, this film will be without Megan Fox, so unless sitting through a 150-minute toy commercial is your thing, you can probably afford to skip this one.
Larry Crowne
Director: Tom Hanks
Stars: Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts
Release Date: July 1
Tom Hanks (Toy Story 3) and Julia Roberts (Eat Pray Love) co-star in this low-key production that does nothing but serve to demonstrate how much their careers have slumped since the days of Cast Away and Erin Brockovich. Nia Vardalos of My Big Fat Greek Wedding fame contributed the screenplay, rounding out this production's collection of has-beens from the early 2000s.
Zookeeper
Director: Frank Coraci
Stars: Kevin James
Release Date: July 8
If you needed further proof that actor Kevin James (The Dilemma) has literally no shame, look no further than Zookeeper. This is a movie that promises a shameless James alongside talking animals, clichéd relationship humor, and excessive product placement for T.G.I. Friday's. Honestly, this makes Paul Blart: Mall Cop look like Sunset Boulevard.
Horrible Bosses
Director: Seth Gordon
Stars: Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis
Release Date: July 8
It sounds a lot like Office Space, but with heaping doses of hyperbole and planned homicide. As a result, it will almost certainly lack all the craft, wit and quirkiness that made Office Space great. Then again, Charlie Day from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Jennifer Aniston from — among other things — Office Space are in it, so Horrible Bosses might not end up being a horrible movie after all.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 2
Director: David Yates
Stars: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint
Release Date: July 15
A must-see for those of you that still actually care about Harry Potter, Deathly Hollows: Part 2 is easily the biggest release of the summer movie season. While fans may be disappointed that they'll have no more mediocre Harry Potter films to look forward to, at least Radcliffe, Watson and company can move on to other acting work and get on with their lives. Hopefully, Potter fans will do the same.
Captain America: The First Avenger
Director: Joe Johnston
Stars: Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Samuel L. Jackson
Release Date: July 22
Just when you thought DC and Marvel were running out of filmable intellectual property, and the slew of super hero movies just might come to an end, along comes Captain America: The First Avenger. Aside from reinforcing the notion that Hollywood is either completely out of original ideas or is completely unwilling to take a financial risk filming one, does this movie really offer anything we haven't all seen a million times already? The short answer: no.
Friends with Benefits
Director: Will Gluck
Stars: Justin Timberlake, Mila Kunis
Release Date:July 22
Speaking of original ideas, no summer movie season is complete without a romantic comedy. This year's major offering is Friends with Benefits, a film that features Mila Kunis (Black Swan) passionately kissing people that decidedly aren't a very thin Natalie Portman. Unlike the last major film Kunis was in, this probably won't be in the running for any Oscars.
Cowboys & Aliens
Director: Jon Favreau
Stars: Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford
Release Date: July 29
If you're asking yourself what Daniel Craig (Defiance) and Harrison Ford (Morning Glory) are doing in a movie that looks and sounds like it was conceived by a 7 year old, you're in good company: the only thing more baffling than the fact that this movie exists is the star power and hefty budget behind it. Unfortunately, all the A-list actors in the world can't redeem a dyed-in-the-wool B-movie.
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Director: Rupert Wyatt
Stars: James Franco, Freida Pinto, Andy Serkis
Release Date: August 5
Perhaps the only summer blockbuster that doesn't look utterly stupefying or like outright schlock, Rise of the Planet of the Apes boasts a script that actually deals with pertinent social issues, in this case the ethical concerns and ramifications of "playing God" through genetic research. The trailer also promises lots of CGI apes breaking things, just in case all of that relevant social commentary gets to be too boring.
Final Destination 5
Director: Steven Quale
Stars: Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, Arlen Excarpeta
Release Date: August 12
If there's anything better at cheating death than the kids in the Final Destination movies, it's the Final Destination franchise itself, which should have rightfully met its demise long ago. Seeing as this latest offering boasts nothing we haven't seen four times already, deciding not to kill $10 and two hours of your spare time to see this seems to be the most sensible thing to do.
Email: arts@ubspectrum.com
