As I'm sure many of you out there are aware, there's a particularly revolting rumor circulating around the Internet. One so heinous and dumbfounding that it literally made my jaw drop when I heard it.
I am, of course, referring to Nicole ‘Snooki' Polizzi declaring herself as a New York Times best-selling author on her Twitter account.
Thankfully, no one has managed to find her book, A Shore Thing, on the list yet. So, for the moment at least, this looks to just be a terrible practical joke, much like Snooki herself.
But whether this is a joke, publicity stunt, or, God forbid, the truth, the fact that so many people don't find this as being completely unreasonable is a testament to the current state of our society.
What happened to the days when we idolized people for their hard work, knowledge and commitment? It seems as if fake tans, an overabundance of hair products, and an inability to keep one's legs closed have scrubbed them out for good.
Snooki being able to publish a book in the first place is bad enough, but her actually being able to make a best-selling author list is a downright disgrace. There are thousands, if not millions, of books out there that are worthy of everyone's attention. This, however, should not be one of them.
But don't take my word for it; just take a look at this quality writing for yourself:
"Meanwhile, like 10 guys grabbed her boobies. If she weren't about to paint the room brown, she would have loved it. A few grabbed at her butt, too. ‘Not the ass!' A too tight squeeze and she might explode."
I'm fairly certain Ernest Hemingway, William Shakespeare, George Orwell and dozens of others just simultaneously rolled over in their graves.
If you want to watch the show, fine, that I can at least semi-understand. It's only an hour out of your day to laugh at some steroid-loaded morons. But to honestly go out and buy A Shore Thing over some actual quality literature is something I will never be able to fully wrap my head around.
I honestly believe that Snooki should be classified as a poison for the damage she has inflected upon the minds of the American public. Our country is already scrutinized enough by other nations around the world for our apathetic ways. Please people, let's not give them any more ammunition.
I'm not sure my faith in humanity can even be resurrected at this point. To everyone who has read A Shore Thing and has helped put the idea in Snooki's head that she is a legitimate author, you disgust me, because you are the embodiment of everything wrong with our society.
E-mail: james.twigg@ubspectrum.com
