I’ve had multiple instances with friends, boyfriends and family members where a conflict occurred and was “solved” by a 20-minute string of text messages.
I hate these.
But most of the time, when someone texts me about an issue and I suggest a call, they refuse. I suggest an in-person talk, and it gets delayed.
The resolution comes too late and as a result, the relationship is weakened.
The technical term for this is conflict avoidance. Instead of addressing a problem directly, people dance around the issue, silently dismiss it or ignore it. People tend to pretend an issue doesn't bother them just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.
To no surprise, the rise of the internet holds a significant amount of the blame. With younger generations growing up on social media, in-person conversations are now optional, and it’s easier than ever to avoid an uncomfortable conversation.
With the ability to block, unfollow or ignore someone at our fingertips, why bother with talking to people? Just ghost them.
The reality is, confrontation is necessary in maintaining healthy relationships. If we keep replacing conversations with lengthy text threads, we’ll be left with superficial relationships.
Dr. Eugene Beresin, a psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School explained in a 2023 NBC News opinion article that confrontation “requires building interpersonal skills that are essential for loving and effective relationships.”
When you’re having an issue with someone, it’s almost always better to have that conversation in person. Text messages can be read with hundreds of different interpretations and intentions. Someone’s texts may be interpreted harshly and taken out of context, causing unnecessary confusion and hurt feelings.
When resolving conflicts, we need to see facial expressions, hear people’s tones of voice and see their live reactions. None of this can be done through text, or even over the phone.
The opinions desk can be reached at opinions@ubspectrum.com.
