???Student Association Treasurer John Martin announced a new additional fee of $2 from each female member of the undergraduate college, to be collected before April 2. The $2 fee could impact a female student's ability to graduate, according to the outgoing treasurer.
???The new increase comes from SA going over budget, yet again, on what Martin has called necessary expenditures.
???"We got some Sham-Wow!s for the office," he said. "Though we're only using them up here in the big 350, every student can come upstairs and try them out."
???The increased fee for female students sparked extra aggravation from each member of all organizations.
???Felicia Hayes, a member of the Women's Club, said, "I think it's extremely rude and unnecessary for Martin to increase activity fees and as for the $2 on top of the $15 fall increase, but only for women, is ridiculously sexist."
???"That's me," replied Martin, spanking Hayes as he strolled by.
???Another club that is affected by this new fee is the Schussmeisters Ski club, which only operates seasonally. Members from this club are complaining of the added fee because skiing is expensive enough.
???Students like John Thompson, a junior linguistics major, thinks it's pretty sweet that the new fee is only applied to female students.
???"I think it's totally awesome that he can do that to a certain gender of people. Rock on, brother Martin," Thompson said.
???According to Hayes, her group took their complaint to Vice President of Student Affairs Dennis Black, and threatened to sue the university. Hayes said Black had no idea there was going to be an additional fee for females.
???"He was clueless... he needs a little pinch from the wet dreams he's been having during the workday," Hayes said.
???When questioned, Black was confused.
???"Oh yeah, that," Black finally grumbled while reading the personals in Generation. "Look, I'm neutral. I don't even know what's going on here. Color me Switzerland."
???Hassan Farah, SA president-elect, sees no problem with levying the female fee in future semesters.
???"I'm still unclear as to why women are even being educated in this country," Farah said. "Listen b*tches, go home, have kids, and keep your $2."
*April Fool's Issue Disclaimer - The content of this article was published as a "joke" and may contain invalid or false information.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
