"You stole my favorite green shirt. I know you did. It was there when I left and now it's missing. Admit it and just give it back."
Whether it is with a roommate, friend, sibling or boss, confrontation isn't something most people enjoy dealing with.
But there are ways to go about having your voice heard, free of anger and swells of emotion. In the end they will help save face and keep from damaging the relationship between the parties involved.
It is best to remain calm and approach the situation from a rational point of view rather than an emotional one, according to Nichole Gardea, a clinical social worker with Counseling Services.
"Don't use the word 'always' and don't say 'you do this' because it makes the person feel they are being attacked," Gardea said. "Use 'I' statements to own your feelings. Say 'I feel this when you do that.' Be assertive but also be respectful to the person. Always try to identify what it is you're asking."
Confronting roommates has its own set of rules and precautions.
"For roommates don't wait until the point where you can't handle the problem anymore and get upset," said Kati Hutchinson, a junior health and human services major and resident advisor who often coaches students about how to deal with their roommate squabbles.
"Address the problem when it happens and try to work it out yourself before talking to someone else," she said. "If you go to someone else like a friend or the RA first, it's almost like you're tattling on them and they will be less receptive to what you're saying."
Junior mechanical and aerospace engineering major Greg Ayres often confronts his roommate for stealing food.
"If my roommate ate my food or something I would just punch him and tell him to buy me more," Ayres said. "I don't really think that needs much discussion, you take someone's food, you buy him more. If it were something more serious though, I guess I would talk it out."
Christine Balonek, a senior chemical and biological engineering major, takes a less aggressive approach. When she has an issue with a roommate or friend she sits down with them and reasons with them one-on-one.
"When no one else is around is the best so it's more private and there's less drama about what's going on," she said.
For sensitive situations like problems in the work environment, there are several issues one may encounter.
Be aware that potential employers have state guidelines about what they are allowed to ask in an interview. For instance, they may ask "Are you over the age of 18," but they are not allowed to ask, "How old are you," or "When is your birthday?" Confrontation may be necessary for the interviewee to ensure they're not being discriminated against during the interviewing process.
Career Services suggests that if you feel uncomfortable answering a question, reword the answer so that the employer gets the information he or she needs while at the same time your rights aren't violated. Telling the potential employer you refuse to answer the question because it is illegal may not necessarily get you hired.
When it comes to quitting or leaving a job, make sure to give the employer enough notice and a valid, non-confrontational reason. In other words, if you are leaving because you hate your boss and the people you work with, don't lie but reword it so it doesn't sound as negative. If you can't think of anything, career services recommends telling them that are leaving for personal reasons.
"Telling your supervisor in person is always best but give at least a minimum of two weeks notice in written form," said LeAnn Bennett, a graduate assistant with Counseling Services. "You don't want to burn bridges because they can have an effect on whether you get hired for future jobs, so keep that in mind."
Freshman undecided major Meghon Schaperjahn has had problems with past bosses, requiring her to stand up for herself.
"One boss I had sexual harassment issues with, and another I was only scheduled on the days and times I said I couldn't work and never when I was actually available," she said. "In both situations I would say staying calm and trying to reason things out worked."
Although Schaperjahn said in the end it took a possible lawsuit and threatening to quit to get her bosses to listen and take her seriously, she stuck with her principles and didn't let the issues get her riled up.
"I think you need to look out for your best interest in a situation, and think about the consequences in the long run," said Sheri Katz, junior speech and hearing major. "Confrontation doesn't have to be mean. I would say I'm assertive, but I'm not aggressive. You need to decide for yourself how important a situation is and if it's worth getting involved in, and go from there."
