Sitting with a buddy of mine at Pano's on the Elmwood strip the other night, our usual conversations of work and girls and general ranting drifted into a bit of reminiscing, and as I looked around at the different late-night diners and servers, I got to thinking about just how much of an impact the diner experience has had on my life.
It's one of those things I've always joked I'd write a book about someday: a little travelogue with maps of my various stomping grounds -- Buffalo during the school year, Rochester during vacations -- with stars on all of my favorite greasy spoons. On top of insight on where to get a good meal, I'd offer a side of heart-felt lessons I learned from my visits.
So for various reasons -- my already busy schedule, my lack of concentration for writing more than a few pages, etc -- my book still lives on the menu in my mind, unordered. I have, however, started drafting some of the lessons I've learned.
Always catch the Early Bird Special
This one comes from my early days, when I was a nosy elementary-aged kid spending my after-school hours at Family Ties, a hometown restaurant that has since closed. My mom was a waitress there at the time, and it was my job to stay out of the way. In lieu of a babysitter, my supervision was the staff of cooks and servers recovering from the lunch rush and getting ready for the next wave at dinner.
One of my more vivid memories from poking around the kitchen was finding the case of individual jelly packets for the tables. Being bored, I offered to restock the toast-toppings, but I had to be trained first. One of the cooks explained to me a trade secret: Use almost all grape and just a little strawberry.
It's a simple concept -- grape jelly is, like, half the price of strawberry jam. The few-cents-per-breakfast savings might not seem like a big deal, but then I realized that it adds up; and it wasn't the only place to think about saving money. From there I started thinking about other ways I could be thrifty, from always ordering the bottomless cup of coffee or soda to always checking the specials board for a good deal.
Don't let your eyes be bigger than your stomach
Sometimes, however, those specials can be too much.
Occasionally I'll be hungry enough to eat a Grand Super Slam Supreme or whatever the restaurant of choice calls their glutton's delight. I mean really, why choose between pancakes or homefries, bacon or sausage, when you can have them all? And only for $3.49?
Because a few hours later I'll wish I had never eaten that much grease.
Back to being frugal, it pains me to see food left on my plate at the end of a griddle-fried feast, and some foods just don't go home well in doggie bags. Thus, my concept of moderation kicked in.
Now when I go out, I know better than to order more than I can eat. Likewise, I know better than to take on more than I can chew -- that is in my schedule, my classes and my job. I occasionally have my slip-ups, especially when the smell of bacon from the kitchen is particularly strong, but I've definitely learned my lesson overall.
The remedy for heartburn
So this is probably the cheesiest of my lessons learned, but one thing about diners I know to be true is this: they are absolutely great date spots. Especially first and second dates.
Think about the setting. With characters all around -- drunks at night, or the same drunks nursing hangovers in the morning, eccentric old men sitting at the counter reading the paper, the sights and sounds of the action in the kitchen through the swinging doors as servers hustle out orders -- there's always something to strike up a conversation about.
Plus, what a girl (or guy) orders can say a lot about her. Is she adventurous, ordering the Chef's Special Scrambled Egg Surprise? Or does she order the individual-sized box of cereal and a side of fruit?
Eating in a diner also forces some social skills out of almost anyone. Small talk with the waitress and showing someone how to get ketchup out of a stubborn bottle -- hit it on the "57" -- can prove if a potential girlfriend is as amiable to the world as she is to me.
On top of all of that, I'm just a big fan of the mid-morning date. Out of everything I've learned in diners, I know that putting up with me in the a.m. hours isn't always the most fun. Any girl that can deal with my sleepy cynicism as I down my first couple of cups of coffee is a keeper.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
