It's tough being a consumer

I've bought a lot of crap over the years - used furniture that I planned on painting but never did, a crate of potpourri tarts for a potpourri burner that I never bought, a large collection of rubber insects, and many, many storage containers that now only house each other like nesting dolls.

Consumerism isn't entirely evil - it creates jobs and a reason to work. It allows people to express themselves and does fulfill a sort of material longing. The important part is knowing where to draw the line, and recognizing what sort of blood, sweat and (Vietnamese) tears have gone into creating the product.

Really, going shopping just for the basics is like having to answer that "what if" question about whether you'd rather save your mother or a thousand people in China. Walmart has been criticized for its abuse of employees, manufacturing the majority of its products outside the United States, and are probably one evil plot away from selling babies on the black market.

Yet for a college student who barely makes above minimum wage at a part-time job, going to a catchall store with low costs seems like a reasonable option.

Further moral dilemmas arise with smaller stores. I always worry that local record shops will be run out of business with the shift to online music. However, buying new, unused albums at $17 a pop can be a financial burden if you're just looking to try out a couple new songs. Even more tempting is the option to swipe your friend's collection for the day and duplicate it on your hard drive.

Handmade clothing is expensive, and the glassy-eyed women selling it on Elmwood are annoying. The Salvation Army can offer some great finds but is depressing as hell to use as a main shopping center. Even Aldi Supermarket can't suppress the occasional longing that arises from staring at a succulent rack of baby back ribs in a commercial.

Besides, when you're presented with what appears to be an endless line of products falling off the shelves, it's almost unreasonable not to take a piece home with you.

What's even more devastating is the new enticing fad that arises every season, the latest craze that has people getting aneurisms over absolutely nothing.

I remember 10 years ago when Beanie Babies were the heroin of the toy market. McDonald's released a series of mini-Beanies that incited riots, causing lines to flow out the door and parents to push each other to the front of the line when it was announced that there were only several toys remaining.

One man was so tired of the Beanie Baby display case taunting him that after his offer to pay $50 went unanswered, he knocked over the stand and began to snatch up Beanies like a starved hawk.

And where are these beloved Beanies now? In people's attics. I can't do anything with them, I can't make dinner out of them, and their insidiously longing eyes make it impossible to throw them away. Too bad they can't be used as car fuel.

I wouldn't call the McDonald's man's actions completely out of line. It's human nature to get excited about things, to want to feel on top of the pack, to want to make your kids happy. In fact, Beanies are quite trivial in comparison to going into debt over a huge house or sports car.

But at the same time you have to put your emotions aside and think to yourself, "Wait, what the f*ck am I doing?"

The best way to solve consumerism issues would be to forgo all modern living, set up communes and dance naked in the rain every day. However, a much more realistic approach is to practice moderation.

Before I buy something I now stop to ask myself whether I really need it, who's going to profit from it, and whether I could be doing something more constructive with the money. I'm still a corporate tool sometimes (spank me), but now most purchases are off of half.com or used book and record stores.

Simply buying less won't completely stop exploitation of workers in third-world countries, nor restore the endangered panda population to its entirety. However, alert consumers that do their small duty of practicing discretion will force companies to reconsider their approach, and cut down on the demand for oil and natural resources.

You also won't have a checking account in the single digits and a zoo of worthless beanbags 20 years later.