Coming Out

Let me voice few words about the recent "coming out" disagreement, in which the College Republicans promoted a "Coming Out Conservative Day," which drew an emotional protest from some campus gays, lesbians and their supporters.

I know a thing or two about "coming out." Last Oct. 9, I stopped coming to school as Mark and started coming to school as Alyssa.

It wasn't about wearing dresses and heels, even though I do like wearing them. I wear jeans and flats, too. What it was about was being true to the person I really am, about not pretending to be something I wasn't.

I needed to liberate the female inside me - to represent myself to the outside world in harmony with the way I feel inside. It no longer mattered to me what anyone else thought or said.

So I "came out" as a transgendered individual. If you've seen a 45-year-old male to female transsexual student around campus, that's me. At least I don't know of any others. If you're out there, sisters, let me know, we can start a club. Talk about a minority group. And I haven't yet mentioned the fact that I still like women, which technically makes me a lesbian. If you want to take a minute to absorb all of that, go right ahead. I'll wait.

(Musical Interlude)

So since I know about coming out, let me briefly mount my soapbox and address both the gay-friendly and conservative sides of the squabble.

Gay-friendlies: as Bill Murray said in the movie "Stripes." "lighten up, Francis." The conservatives weren't "mocking" the concept of coming out. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Besides, gays, lesbians and transgenders do not have a copyright on the term "coming out."

And the conservatives have a point. Society as a whole doesn't discourage conservatism, but face it; this campus climate is quite liberal, socially and politically. When the conservatives do something visible as a group, it seems there's always some sort of protest against it. Which also raises the question: how would you feel if some religious right group held counter-rallies every time the campus Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered Alliance did something?

Conservatives on this campus often face an unfriendly and sometimes hostile climate. One protester at the Coming Out event basically labeled them as war-loving racist homophobes. At an earlier event the College Republicans were equated with the Ku Klux Klan.

Not only are these comparisons hyperbole, they are just plain unfair and wrong. It seems very ironic that gay friendly people would use labeling and stereotyping in this manner. And it's very sad.

So is it hard to believe that conservatives - again on this campus, not in the "real world" - might be afraid to express their opinions? That they might be leery of the reaction they might get if they, for example, publicly expressed admiration for the Bush administration? That they might "go along to get along?" Don't you think it took courage when a black student risked being labeled as a "Tom" when he appeared in public opposing affirmative action programs?

What the conservatives are experiencing at this school is what gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people often experience in society as a whole. They are learning what life can be like for us, folks, and what it feels like to be in the closet. You might think that this is a good thing, and that turnabout is fair play. I don't. It diminishes all of us.

Now to the conservatives: you must be more sensitive. Think about who you are comparing yourselves to. I don't believe you have any idea of what "coming out" really means.

Outside of these campus confines, conservatives are rarely suppressed. Gays, lesbians and transsexuals, on the other hand, are literally being murdered just for being homosexual or transgendered. We aren't allowed to legally commit to a partner for life, let alone get married. We are often subject to public ridicule and derision.

When we "come out," we are taking a series of huge risks. It's quite possible that family and/or friends may turn their back on us, cut us out of their lives. Yes, it happens. We might wind up losing our jobs and chances for advancement. Yes, it happens. Landlords have been known to refuse to rent to us or terminate an existing rental agreement. Yes, it really happens.

You have to understand this simple truth: when we "come out" we can lose our lives, our family, our friends, our homes or our jobs. None of this is likely to happen to you for being publicly conservative.

To both sides I say: we need dialogue, people.

We don't have to be enemies. Conservatives - understand that there is no "homosexual agenda."

Gays, lesbians, transgenders and friends - understand that all conservatives don't hate you and want you back in the closet.

By talking to each other reasonably, we can educate each other and maybe, just maybe begin to understand each other. We shouldn't just be trading tired slogans and waving flags, whether the flags bear the colors of the rainbow or just red, white and blue.