This is the final installment of The Spectrum this year, which means the summer is finally upon us. And you all know what that means: good times laughing at "that guy" who does "the bee dance" whenever there is a yellow jacket within a 10-foot radius of him. I love that guy, he really cracks me up. Especially when he is driving and gets a bee in his car. Actually, that absolutely terrifies me.
It's good to see that Visions finally decided to release its own April Fools issue last week. That Erin Biba character really got some good chuckles out of me. Someone needs to give her a stand-up act. I especially loved the part where she talked about Visions becoming a "legitimate publication." That one was a real knee-slapper. Her picture in there was also incredible. It's amazing how serious she looked; it must have been taken when she was trying to choose the winner for "UB Embarrassed."
Maybe instead of giving away 50 bucks for each "UB Embarrassed" winner and spending 1,100 big ones on HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS (I can write in caps, too, isn't it so hardcore?), SA can raise Commandant Pape's stipend even more. I feel so bad for him. At only $9,000 a year, he and the rest of the e-board really wouldn't make enough. I mean, they are raping and pillaging the entire UB community, let's give them some more money, please.
SA reminds me of O'Doyle in Billy Madison, just going around putting kids in garbage cans and dumping pudding on their heads. But guess what, just like O'Doyle and his family, I have a feeling SA's whole e-board family is going down next year. And it will probably come after SA uses our (the UB students') money to lure Smash Mouth here for another awful-sounding Alumni Arena "fest." What constitutes a "fest," anyway? Maybe our SA should go check out Fredonia some time, they have a lot less money and the students actually get excited about their "Fredfest."
God, I wish UB Chillin' had won the election. That would have been great. Now let's get down to business.
The NFL Draft went down over the weekend, and as usual, it was as fun as ever. Tom Donahoe and the Buffalo Bills were able to snag Miami's Willis McGahee. Wow. Say what you want about their decision, the jury is still out on what McGahee will be able to do with his injury, but there is one thing that is for sure. It's definitely an exciting pick. If McGahee turns out to be a superstar, which he could - he would have been a top two pick without the injury - the Bills may end up with one of the biggest first-round steals in recent history.
How happy did Rex Grossman look to get picked by the Chicago Bears? But who wouldn't be happy getting drafted to the Bears. They are a classic NFL team; anyone would love getting drafted to play quarterback, or any position, for a classic team like the Bears or Packers.
On the other hand you have Byron Leftwich getting drafted to the Jacksonville Jaguars. Sorry, dude, that just sucks. Jacksonville? How did they get a team in the first place? I'd rather get drafted to be the next to play on TNN' s Slamball then go to some sold-out expansion team like the Jaguars. What's with Slamball, anyway? The teams have no city affiliation; that's just bizarre. I'm beginning to believe they film that garbage in the state penitentiary. Half of those guys look like convicts on death row. I could have sworn I saw the Zodiac killer serving up a facial to Charles Manson in the championship game.
Are the Detroit Tigers even a team anymore? I cannot name one player on that team, and I bet at least 75 percent of the people reading this can't, either. How can that team be so pitiful?
But forget the Tigers themselves. The people you have to feel the worst for are their fans, if they even exist. Being a fan for that team would probably be even more excruciating than living in that Sorority Life pledge house. A couple of those girls are just plain demented. I really think that that girl Maggie is either Satan himself or possibly a post-plastic surgery Osama bin Laden. She has to be one of the two.
But back to baseball for a second. I sometimes wonder if there are any people out there that actually dislike the Chicago Cubs. Because seriously, what did the Cubs ever do to you? They're such a lovable loser kind of team. Perhaps the only thing to dislike about them is that marble-mouthed Sammy Sosa.
A great thing in sports is when the notorious loser team turns it around and starts kicking tail to start off a season. Like the Kansas City Royals. It's awesome to see a bottom-of-the-division team turn things around. The Royals transition from garbage to gold has almost been as shocking as Steve Urkel's transition to Stefan Urkel. Now that was groundbreaking. I take that back for a second, Kansas City's turnaround has been more on par with Mase's transition from rapper to preacher. Mase, he was a funny guy. Once the Royals win the World Series, then we will talk Stefan Urkel.
And that's it for this year, folks. Be sure to look for me next year when I ride back into the Student Union on my monster truck Power Wheels. Pow-pow-powerwheels. Sorry, I just had to say that. Well, in the words of Doug from The State, I'm outta heah.
Mo Cheeks is the man!
