Freakin' Mizzou. Hey LSU, you suck, too. And Gonzaga, I pick you to win it all last year, and you fall in the first round, and now you try and take out my Arizona Wildcats?
Despite all the pain I have been suffering, I have to say one thing: God bless the NCAA Tournament, this truly is the greatest time of the year.
Let's get this ish started.
Is Ron Artest one crazy S.O.B. or what? This guy has been overdosing on the crazy pills all season long. First it was the run-in with Pat Riley, then he rips some poor guy's $35,000 video camera out of his hands and wrecks it by tossing it on the floor, and after that it was the bizarre incident where he took a framed picture of himself and smashed it after a home loss for Indiana. As "Uncle Jesse" Katsopolis would say, "Have mercy."
But most recently he was suspended for tackling Philly's Eric Snow after Snow grabbed a rebound. The best thing about this was that it occurred during the same week that Mike Piazza rumbled with Guillerma Mota, and Earl from "Fraternity Life" went ballistic in the SUV. All in all, great television featuring guys snapping. The Piazza incident had to be the most classic, with Mota pegging a charging Piazza in the head with his baseball glove. The look on Piazza's face while being held back was priceless. It was that Jeffrey Dahmer "I'm going to rip you limb from limb and store you in my refrigerator" look. Absolutely terrifying.
On the subject of Artest's Pacers, I have been secretly wishing for a Pacers-versus-Blazers NBA Finals match-up all season long. Tell me that wouldn't be David Stern's worst nightmare. The NBA's two all-thug teams going at it on basketball's greatest stage. You have Artest, Jermaine O'Neal, Al Harrington, and former Detroit Piston bad-boy Isaiah Thomas as the coach for the Pacers. Pit them against Bonzi Wells, Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire and the rest of the Blazers, and you have television magic waiting to happen.
Although Reggie Miller is no choirboy by any means, I really feel bad for how out of place he must feel on this Pacer team. He must feel like that one sober guy at the party where everyone is wasted out of their minds. This is a guy who has teamed with Rik Smits and Mark Jackson, and who has been coached by Larry Brown and Larry Bird. Certainly not people in the same stratosphere in terms of volatility as his new squad.
OK, so Peerless Price is gone. Oh, well. The only thing that really upsets me about losing the reincarnation of Alvin Harper and Brett Perriman is that the Buffalo Bills probably lost the guy with the coolest name in the NFL. But, Tom Donahoe being the genius that he is, brought in another big and cool name in Takeo Spikes to keep everyone happy.
Names have got to be one of my favorite parts of sports. Where else will you hear names like Plaxico Burress, Brett Blizzard, Orel Hershiser, and He Hate Me. The only problem with all of these great names is that I now have so many choices to choose from to name my kid one day. It's mind-boggling. And to go along with all of the great sports names, I already have the non-sports front-runner names for the name of my first son. It is going to be tough for the sports guys to top the names MacGyver, Rufeo (from "Hook"), Gargamel (from "The Smurfs"), and that brain dude Krang (from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles). The best thing about the name "Krang" is that I can call the kid's crib the "technodrome."
Speaking of great names, I was watching "D2: The Ducks are Back" on the Disney Channel the other day with none other than Emilio Estevez as "Gordon Bombay," the head coach of the Mighty Ducks. What a name, Gordon Bombay. Perhaps the only thing funnier than Emilio's name in the movie, or his acting skills, was the scene where he gives his team a break and says, "Now let's have some fun!" You would expect Bombay to maybe take the guys to the strip club or give them each a handle of Jack Daniels, but no, Bombay proceeds to throw a beach volleyball onto the ice, sending the Ducks into apparent ecstasy. But what is so fun about playing with a volleyball on ice?!?
Another great movie idea came to me the other day to go along with my Allen Iverson-Ronald McDonald action flick. How about this: Back to the Future IV. Now this isn't the same old Michael J. Fox flick we're talking about. After the third installment of Back to the Future, I think it became very clear that the series needed to head in another direction.
Cue Huey Lewis and enter John Starks.
In the movie we could have John sent back to 1994 to change the events that occurred during his 2-18, game seven showing against the Houston Rockets in the '94 NBA Finals, so the Knicks could walk out with the title. Can you think of a better star for a movie than John Starks? The Rockets could take the place of the Libyans, and a futuristic Heat-coaching Pat Riley could take the place of the seemingly insane Doc (who is Christopher Lloyd, anyway? Just some freak, I guess). Just give me what it takes to make a movie, and I will produce an Oscar-worthy film. Certainly one better than Biker Boyz or Cradle 2 the Grave.
