Is this a joke, or are the Cincinnati Bengals just that bad? How can one franchise suck so much? Just start Akili Smith, since the season is already over. I don't know what is going on in the minds of the brain trust behind this franchise. Why not give the kid some experience, it's not like they're going anywhere this year. He was a third pick in the draft, I'm sure if they give the guy some actual playing time, he can improve. And besides, it's not like Gus Frerotte is going to lead them to the promised land - the guy gave himself a concussion by head-butting a concrete wall while celebrating a touchdown. Not the guy I'd want running my team
You have to feel for Corey Dillon. Being a star running back on a god-awful team has to be painful. This guy could be a superstar on any other team in the league, but no, he is stuck in the oblivion of NFL franchises. I suppose it could be worse. He could be forced to eternally watch the newer episodes of "Family Feud" with host Louie "I sweat when I eat" Anderson or the newest ones hosted by the resurfaced Al Borlin, who looks like he hasn't aged a bit since his old "Tool Time" days.
Next thing you know, the "Bungles" are going to bring in Craig T. Nelson and his staff, including Jerry Van Dyke and "Dauber," to coach the team. I wouldn't even be surprised if they improved under the tutelage of Dauber. At least they would be amusing instead of repulsive.
"Esteemed journalist" Andy Rooney made headlines once again last week when he said that women do not belong on the sidelines of football games doing interviews. Good idea, Andy, almost as smart as Fuzzy Zoeller's Tiger Woods/fried chicken remarks a few years ago.
One thing is for sure, though, Leslie Visser and her hats do not belong there. No one with any sort of giant feathers in their hats should be anywhere near football. That goes for you too, Deion. And Suzyn Waldman can rot in the fiery pits of Hades, since it's conceivable that she is the reason that the Yankees did not win the World Series this year. The woman is pure evil and should be nowhere near Yankee Stadium or any other sports venue for that matter. May God have mercy on her soul.
But there are some male reporters who just shouldn't be there either. Seriously, what's Eric Dickerson's deal as a sideline reporter? This guy serves no purpose at all, always telling us about some mundane detail that no one cares about. Then he thinks he's all smart wearing those sophisticated eyeglasses. God knows the guy is reading R.L. Stine's "Goosebumps" in his spare time. For his sake, let's hope he moves up to "Fear Street" soon.
There is something about Anaheim Angels manager Mike Scioscia that just reminds me of Tony Danza. Maybe it's the way he wears his Angels jacket all zipped up except for the top, like the Fonz. Scioscia would fill in just fine for Danza on "Who's the Boss." I can see it now.
"Jonatin, where did you put my rally monkey? Samanta, get out of Appier's bedroom. Samanta!"
Man, there was nothing funnier than the way that Tony couldn't pronounce his H's.
You know there is a major problem when the guy I dislike the least on HBO's "Inside the NFL" is Dan Marino. For starters we have Cris Collinsworth, the only person in the world whose head is just as skinny as his neck, and in Collinsworth's case, that's a major problem. The dude has a severe case of pencil-neckitis. Next up is everybody's favorite, Bob Costas, or as I affectionately refer to him, "Snarf." There is something about this guy that just strikes me as feline. He's like the Thundercat that went wrong. But if you want to talk animated, well, then, it doesn't get any worse than Chris Carter. This guy is the epitome of animated. He seriously looks like a cartoon character, or better yet, a video game character. Imagine Carter as Link in the Legend of Zelda. That would be one sweet game, using Carter's enormous eyebrows as boomerangs and stuff. I would certainly re-subscribe to Nintendo Power for some strategies if they ever made that game.
