Boy, you have got to love those Mets fans. In the pre-season they got all pumped up because General Manager Steve Phillips brought in some high-priced "talent." Yeah, that's the same talent that includes Shawn Estes, who couldn't even hit Roger Clemens with the ball, never mind pitch close to .500 for the Mets. Jeromy Burnitz batted for less than .200 for a good portion of the season, which is just abysmal for what he is getting paid. About the only good thing that professional fat tub of goo, Mo Vaughn, is talented at is chewing gum faster than anyone on the planet. Fatty moves his mouth faster than that Micro Machines guy did.
So much for returning to the World Series, how does last place sound instead? Good? Thought so. Go Expos!
The whole Mike Piazza being gay thing that the New York media stirred up over the summer was absolutely hilarious. Was it really that big of a deal? And Mike, seriously, if you don't want people to think that you are gay, then shave that Village People goatee that you're sporting. Common sense buddy.
Yankees beware, the Oakland A's are coming for you. Having recently broken the American League record for most consecutive games won, with 20, they now have the Yankees in their sights. After getting knocked out of the playoffs two years in a row by New York, and losing their superstar, Jason Giambi, to the Yankees over the off season, this team is out for blood.
For those Yankee fans who miss seeing Chuck Knoblauch around, do not fear. Knoblauch will actually be starring in an upcoming movie. He will be playing a gremlin trying to kill the lovable Gizmo, in the new Gremlins 3.
The people who were actually rooting for Mike Tyson to beat Lennox Lewis this summer are probably the same people that think that Vin Diesel is a standout actor. I'm sure X-rays of their heads would indicate they have creamed spinach where their brains should be.
Although this article comes out on Friday, it was written on Thursday, hours before the New York Giants/San Francisco 49ers NFL season opener. I'm going to take a stab though and say that the 49ers probably won by a score of 31-13. The Giants have been the most painfully boring team to watch for about a decade now, and this season will be no different, although it could get even worse. That team always reminded me of "Revenge of the Nerds," with losers like Jeff Hostetler and pansy Dave Brown. Now, with master dork and Head Coach Jim Fassel running the show, they are even goofier than ever.
Ah yes, it's Vinny and the Jets for week one against the Bills. All the Jets fans better hope Testaverde has some magic in that do-rag he wears, because it will definitely take a miracle for the Jets to beat the Drew and improved Bills this weekend.
While San Diego Charger Doug Flutie seemed to be OK with head coach Marty Schottenheimer's decision to start Drew Brees at quarterback, Flutie's mullet apparently threw a fit in the locker room afterwards, throwing helmets and harassing reporters. No fines have been given out yet.
Rob Johnson will start in Tampa Bay by the end of the season. That is a guarantee. The man has all the tools to become a superstar, but was never given a chance to succeed in Buffalo. Johnson will be the man one day.
I still don't know what to think of Antonio McDyess on the New York Knicks. He has the talent to bring the team back into the playoffs, but his health is definitely a question mark after missing most of last season with an injury. Knicks GM, Scott Layden, also made one other transaction during the offseason. He added token white guy, Michael Doleac, to the roster. Doleac is the next in the long line of classic token white guys that have played for the Knicks. It will be hard to live up to the fame of some of them, such as Travis Knight, Scotty Brooks, Brad Lohaus and God's gift to basketball himself, Chris Dudley.
When the Celtics traded for Vin Baker this summer, you could hear NBC commentator, Bill Walton, say "What are you dooooing," in that classic voice of his. In fact, he said that about every time Chris Dudley put up a shot.
The New Jersey Net's Jason Kidd seems to be very happy that the front office traded for center Dikembe Mutombo. Dikembe will definitely help the defense for Jason and the Nets, but unfortunately for Kidd, his wife-beating statistics will not decrease from last season.
I'm out like Mo Vaughn stealing second.
