Well, the 2001 Major League Baseball season has come to an end. It truly was a great season, concluding with a scintillating World Series. But I sure am glad that the World Series is over because if I saw one more commercial for "24," I would have clawed my own eyes out. You know it's bad when your parents are singing lines from "Break Stuff" because they played it so much.
I know that everyone hates the Yankees and all, but honestly, how can you root for the Diamondbacks? Randy Johnson makes Jeff Van Gundy look like the GQ man of the year, Bob Brenly has an IQ equivalent to that of a cabbage, and Craig Counsel and Jay Bell look like the kids that received "awful waffles," and had their heads shoved in toilet bowls in middle school. Not to mention that the team's player personnel next season will look nothing like it did this season. They won't even be able to afford the long lost twin of Curt Schilling, Jeff Daniels of "Dumb and Dumber" fame.
ESPN should have a county fair of its own up in Bristol, Conn., but instead of the dunk tank they should have the "hit Stuart Scott in the face with a shovel for a dollar" game.
Speaking of ESPN, if "NFL Primetime" never wins an Emmy, I will truly be upset. It ranks right up there with "Hey Dude" as the best TV show ever.
Former Cowboy, and current fat blob, Nate Newton was busted with 213 pounds of marijuana. Guess he was just trying to live up to the proud Cowboy tradition like his old teammate, American hero, Michael "Give me some Coke and Hookers" Irvin. I guess having Ryan Leaf as their starting QB is sort of a penance that they are paying.
Forget Osama bin Laden, I want NFL on CBS pre-game co-host Jerry Glanville dead or alive. The man is a complete buffoon. Corky from the old show "Life Goes On" would make a much better commentator.
Since when have the Colts been storing old football players in the cryo-freezer? When I saw Mark Rypien come onto the field against the Dolphins I had an epileptic seizure.
It's sad to think that some "Bills fans" (these people also rooted for Doug Flutie and the Chargers to beat the Bills) are actually happy that Rob Johnson got knocked out with a broken collarbone on Sunday. Incest also makes these people happy, so I guess their thoughts shouldn't count anyway.
Doug Flutie update: four interceptions, a loss, a mullet, still is 39 and still has a dishtowel arm. This all adds up to one thing - the Chargers are going nowhere this season and Doug Flutie's career will be coming to an end just as this young Bills team will be on the rise. It will be fun to see all the fair-weather fans jump back on the Bills bandwagon in a few years.
Portland's Bonzi Wells scored 30 points the other night, but when your name is Bonzi nobody really gives a damn about you.
Ladies and gentlemen it appears that the UB Bulls football team has arrived. With three wins on the season and a possible fourth coming this weekend against Akron, it gives UB sports fans something to cheer for besides the second coming of Anna Kournikova in our own Michele Kollarova. I want to see the goalposts come down when we win this weekend, though. It will be a great ending to the season, and hopefully this time we have more than 25 kids rushing the field.
I'm out like Rebecca Lobo in a beauty pageant.
