Byrned to a Crisp



Well, Michael Jordan is making his second comeback to the NBA at the ripe old age of 38. His first game will be in Madison Square Garden against the Knicks.

Does anyone think he can soil the Knicks' opener by pouring on 55 again this time? I think he's more likely to soil his Depends after Spree blows by him again and again.

The Miami Dolphins got shellacked by the St. Louis Rams this weekend by a score of 42-10. But Dolphin fans, don't worry - they still look like a playoff team. In fact, it's the same playoff team that lost in the divisional playoff round three straight years by a combined score of 127-10!

Hey Barry Bonds, 1990 called. It wants its earring back.

Attention all Bills fans: It's a re-building season. Get over it and cut those mullets, for Christ's sake.

I am thoroughly convinced New York Mets reliever Armando Benitez is on the Atlanta Braves payroll.

Would someone please put John Madden and Pat Summerall out of their misery? Tell Madden there is an 8-legged turkey out back and when he heads to the door to look, "BLAM!"

So Allen Iverson has decided not to release his controversial CD. Good call, Allen. You wouldn't want to turn off any more NBA fans, now would you?

The St. Louis Rams are looking pretty scary these days, although not as scary as they looked in '99 though when they were more frightening than former Buffalo Bills coach Wade Phillips at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Hey Patrick Ewing, Eddie Munster called. He wants his hairdo back.

Whoever gave Troy Aikman and Daryl "Moose" Johnston jobs as NFL commentators should be dragged out into the street and shot. By the way, where have all the Dallas Cowboy fans gone? I guess they just aren't excited by their starting QB, Quincy Carter. That's probably because he wouldn't even have been starting on his college team in what would be his senior year this season. How bout 'dem Cowboys!

Indians over Mariners in four games ... watch and learn.

Would someone please tell the New York Jets that Wayne Chrebet is not a number one receiver? Somewhere, someplace Vinny Testaverde is crying, thinking about the good old days with Keyshawn.

Phil Jackson: Zen Master. What a joke. The man isn't a great coach. Wow, he won some titles, but that's only because he had the greatest player of all time on his side. Grimace from McDonald's could have coached the Bulls to six titles, maybe even seven if he got lucky. Then Jackson decides to come back to coaching a team with arguably the best two players in the league today, Shaq and Kobe. Risky move Phil. Why don't you take over the Cavaliers and lead them to six titles, then we'll talk. But I will still never call you Zen Master.