"Check, please"

"It's called a reality check, the last thing Am?(c)lie wants."

The movie this French waitress/heroine starred in was nominated for an Academy Award in 2002 partly because of its observations of human psychology. Humans are fallible, Am?(c)lie's experience said. Only, not in English.

When we fall, we have this thing called a 'reality check' and realize something about ourselves that shakes our foundations of the comfortable world we've been living in. Suddenly, a new perspective on life emerges, and we make some new decisions.

It's such a common human experience that it has shaped generations of movies and been a significant topic of discussion in the field of psychology. Yet, often we label a stranger or acquaintance "loser" because of the way they've gradually chosen over the course of their life to behave. More importantly, we can be hurtfully blind to what that person is going through.

Narcissus drowned when he fell in love with his own reflection. He became a legend because his human flaws spoke of the fallibility that people like Am?(c)lie, like many of us, experience.

And sometimes what we experience are assumptions about ourselves that just aren't true. Poor deluded Caligula believed he was Jupiter, father of all the gods, and ended up ruining his family. He was a legend, too.

Obviously, no one's perfect.

So maybe it's worth a shot to have more patience for people like Am?(c)lie and Narcissus. Maybe it's a good idea not to be hurt or angry when our imperfections are brought to our attention and a reality check occurs.

Likewise, we shouldn't believe everything we're told. If we spent all our time fixated on becoming the pinnacle of personal perfection, we'd stop enjoying life. No matter whom it is telling you that you need to change, sometimes there's just no truth in the saying about others knowing us better than we know ourselves.

In fact, maybe there's nothing wrong with living a little bit in that comfortable world that gets shaken by those annoying reality checks. Ignorance is bliss, after all. And maybe the people that realized this way before us are called dreamers, and it's no wonder they're so happy.

Alexander III of Macedon, one of the greatest soldiers of antiquity, believed he was descended from Achilles and Neoptolemus. His delusion gave him the confidence needed to become Alexander the Great.

Not all of us have the capacity to achieve feats like Alex with our own determination and faith in ourselves: some of us experience much more mundane achievements, like Am?(c)lie Poulain. Her belief in her ability to make others happy was what kept her going through a series of painful reality checks, and the result was positive for everyone that deserved it.

Whether you relate more to the French girl running around in a Zorro mask, or to the young man who conquered a good chunk of the civilized world, chances are you're familiar with describing yourself in a positive light that not everyone agrees with.

Well, don't let it get to you.

Everyone has something to fear, something to hide, and something to be proud of. We wouldn't be human otherwise. Pride isn't evil, and it's OK to feel strong, both before and after you've fallen down.

Similarly, we all want to be experts in some way, to be able to sound like we know something others don't. It's the next best thing to actually being able to do something no one else can. The drive to be socially accepted is satisfied, in some, by respect and recognition as being a unique individual.

Like the Greek legend Empedocles, we all want to believe in ourselves and in our abilities. The trick is not making the same mistake he did, and staking our lives on our abilities in arrogance.

I say, lose the label "loser" for people that aren't just like us. If they don't have a reality check, they'll probably be happier for it. And if they do, there's no good reason to be critical.

Am?(c)lie and the Greek pantheon really had something going for them: the characters we come to love and respect are imperfect, and that's why we learn so much from them. If this is true, maybe it's no long stretch to conclude the imperfections shown through others' reality checks are no big deal.