I've been repressing this experience for too long now. I recently had a dream that haunts me to this day. I figure because Halloween is upon us, there's no better time to air out the nightmare.
I was looking to go out and have a good time at 'flip night' with friends at The U. All I had to do was flash that fake I.D. to whomever was at the door and I was ready to party.
Unfortunately, that guy was Jimmy Gordon - Buffalo's 6-foot-5, 255-pound senior tight end with muscle on top of muscle. I just admitted defeat, turned around and went home.
Instead of going out the next night, I decided to join a UB dodgeball tournament. This sounded like a much safer option at the time, until sophomore quarterback Joe Licata was staring me down on the other side of the court. No matter where I ran, he was ready to snipe me in a blink of an eye. And he did just that. I escaped with my eye looking like I had just gone 12 rounds with Floyd Mayweather.
This really wasn't working out. I decided to try a board game - 20 questions perhaps. This can't possibly lead to physical harm, right? But who's the opponent? UB football coach Jeff Quinn.
He chooses George Washington as his topic, and my first question is: "Are you alive?" Quinn spews out something about how this guy fights until the very end, always puts out his best effort, studies his opponents consistently, is a fearless leader and would be the right kind of Bull. In the end, I'm left clueless and with a headache.
At this point, I want nothing to do with the football team. After going through all this physical, mental and emotional anguish, I'm ready to give up.
Now that I am completely exhausted, I begin my journey home. This is when I find a wallet lying on the ground in a crowd. I attempt to take it in a stealth manner, without anybody knowing. All of a sudden, I hear a yell in the distance, "Hey, drop that!"
It's senior linebacker Khalil Mack. Before I even have the time to think, I've suffered the same fate as much of the Mid-American Conference - leveled by the 'Mack Truck' and rolling around in agony.
When I come to my senses the next morning, I find myself sharing a hospital room with a MAC safety that tried to stop senior running back Branden Oliver from crossing the goal line.
As I limp home, I think to myself: How could this weekend have possibly gone any worse? And I rationalize: Well, at least I didn't have to withstand a spike to the face from sophomore Tahleia Bishop, try to drive the lane against junior forward Christa Baccas, endure a scolding from women's basketball coach Felisha Legette-Jack, end up on a poster board courtesy of senior forward Javon McCrea or play hide and seek with Athletic Director Danny White.
email: owen.obrien@ubspectrum.com
