I found Jesus Christ in room 350 of the Student Union.
Actually, there are over 50 self-important impersonators there with access to your money and hearts set on pleasing those within their crew. But maybe that's just me.
With petitions due Friday and the forthcoming SA elections taking place from March 24-26, it's time to not only look at your SA, but care.
The current three-piece suit dressing the SA front lines has not only been in power for the last two years, but also ran uncontested during the last election. Either those people upstairs have been flawless and selfless leaders of our funding and entertainment, or this campus of 18,000 undergrads just doesn't care about what these people do and get away with.
Then again you'd actually have to take the initiative to do so.
But what do I know; I'm a faceless voice on an apparently rapidly declining newspaper. I'm sorry, but the last time I checked we weren't filling six pages of material with fashion-less photo shoots of our staff members and calling it a style guide.
Maybe we should. Maybe at our next opportune moment we'll track down our public relations manager, have her wear a purple sweater and sit on a bench surrounded by her coworkers, doing her best attempt at looking sexy and landing somewhere in between hungover and mentally challenged.
Maybe we'll interview our guitar-ready assistant music director, run the article front and center and call him a sure-fire star on the verge of breaking.
Maybe we'll throw a huge music festival at Baird Point, have it switched to Alumni Arena, book a bunch of acts that go on hours after their scheduled times and have a crew of little club-kids and female coworkers work security, all the while mismanaging the event into the ground. And in the process, we'll let a bunch of dissatisfied concertgoers run backstage, steal passes and SA crew shirts and then kick out the writer and photographer who caught them in their self-obsessed naivety.
Oh, and we'll set a strict limit of shoot-time for the press photographers, kicking them out early, all the while letting our entire crew walk past the barricade and take pictures with their camera phones for their own personal bragging rights. And we'll let our fifth year super-senior head honcho and apparent cinematographer man the camera and document the process.
Being the cutting-edge and unbiased bookers that we are, we'll bring five speakers/comedians from the exact same television show and call it genius. And to top it all off, we'll book a band for our next festival that played two far smaller SUNY schools in '07 and '08, not to mention a certain Institute of Technology in Rochester, and walk around campus like we're the coolest kids to ever play crack the sky.
But those are just hypotheticals, not actual die-cut things that our current SAviors have done...(and since its hard to read sarcasm in print, here's your hint: SARCASM).
Maybe I'm a loud-mouthed troublemaker. Maybe I'm just jealous cause you're young and in love. Or maybe I'm a voice that actually cares and wants a group of people in charge of our money and entertainment selections that actually listens to what we want and aren't just trying to siphon funding into booking the year of their lives and writing stories that they can later tell their friends about on how they got away politically blanketed murder.
Oh, and if you're on the brink of running but are wavering, do it. At least you'll get a free phone out of it.
Hugs and kisses SA.
And God bless the freedom of the press.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
