There are times in life when thoughts turn to the mundane, the needless, the absurd. These thoughts usually occur when you're trying to fall asleep at 2 a.m., or walking your dog, or washing your storm windows. "When are my library books due?" "I should start saving money for spring break." "That Emmanuel Lewis, what a funny little man."
Then again, some things are better left unsaid. And so, with gracious gratitude toward the news sources that first reported this entertainment "news," here some more of those unneeded "things."
It's A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Because there's just not enough swearing in children's entertainment, "Avenue Q," a new Broadway musical, has taken New York City by storm.
A raunchy take on what Sesame Street might be like if the South Park kids rubbed up against Big Bird at recess and if Jim Henson shot heroin, the puppets on Avenue Q offer adult-themed tunes such as "What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?" "The Internet Is For Porn" and my favorite, "My Girlfriend, Who Lives in Canada."
Sure, the human-manned Muppet-like puppets that lead the stage show aren't as vomit inducing as those crazy LSD puppets on "H.R. Puffnstuff," but it's probably the first Broadway CD to be plastered with a parental advisory warning. This news has been brought to you by the letters F and U.
Aliens Snag American Legend
So speaking of Rodney Dangerfield, the soon-to-be-82-year-old "actor" - insert air quotes around that one so as to not confuse Mr. Dangerfield with actual talent - has landed himself back into the microcosm of entertainment "news."
Dangerfield's place in the news is not for his failing heart, which he recently had replaced with a baked potato as to prolong his life and booming film career. No, it turns out that the Rod wants to clone himself with the help of that French cult - I mean science-alien group - the Raelians.
Remember that red-haired freak-of-nature who went on CNN earlier this year to announce the group had cloned a baby and then ditched town without a trace? Yep, those are the people Dangerfield wants protecting his fertile manhood, just so that his wife (Bridget or Bonnie or Bambi or something) can have littler Rodneys running around the mansion after he departs this fine human-bearing earth.
Get Out Your Piggybank, Kids
So October is passing through us as quickly as a shot of Wild Turkey whiskey. I have to say, Sweetest Day notwithstanding, October's holidays rule.
Between the trick-or-treating, the parties and the endless toilet papering of the big expensive houses at the end of the street, the costumes are the most exciting part of Oct. 31.
Some people really know their stuff when it comes to donning the witch's hat or Spongebob's square pants. For some divine inspiration, check out www.buycostumes.com where prices range from $10 to $4,000. Seriously, there's nothing funnier than a rabbi costume for your dog, or an "illusion" mascot outfit that makes it look like you're riding an ostrich.
They're Magically Delicious
And in medical news, a portion of Roy Horn's scull was removed last week in efforts to save his life. Horn, as you might recall, was viciously mauled by a tiger weeks ago during a "Siegfried & Roy" magic show in Las Vegas, and now lies in a coma.
In other magic news, illusionist David Blaine successfully completed his 44-day stint of sitting in a big clear box above the streets of London. Good for him.
And now for some late-breaking news even more tragic than the preceding two stories: David Copperfield is still performing. Yes, the former Mr. Claudia Schiffer comes to Buffalo tonight for two performances of illusionary magic at Shea's. Lock up your tigers.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
