Being hopelessly devoted to ABC's Lost is like being obsessed with Britney Spears. Through the thick, thin, loose and disappointing, we're as far in as possible.
???When Lost is on its game, there's nothing more addicting or entertaining than watching its crew of Crusoes battle the improbable and by all means impossible.
???But when it takes another twist as it seems to be straightening out a loose end that's been nagging you since season one, and as each character's back story gets more confusing than the origins of Barack Obama, it borders on excessive.
???It's like Britney. When she's sane and sober, we get "Lucky" and pretty much everything that wasn't on the Blackout album. Obviously, we're ignoring the video for "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know" where she cavorted with a beach-bound Frenchman and shat on the hearts of thousands of teen boys (and girls) across the nation.
???And then we have the pilled-up Spears. The woman who shaves her head at tattoo parlors, hooks up with foreign photographers and video extras, performs on MTV in a drug-induced malaise, and records an album with the king of all posers-Scott Storch-the real life manifestation of Seth Green's character from Can't Hardly Wait.
???We pray for the best. We get Circus. We deal. But hey, for a woman whose music has turned into the soundtrack for drag shows and rainbow parties, that's just about all we could hope for.
???But before we get lost in Spears, which is probably possible seeing all the men she's had and babies she's churned out, let's go back to the South Pacific.
???As Lost returns for its fifth season, devotees are promised an uninterrupted 17-episode season. If ABC finally puts an end to their annual "tune in in three weeks for the most shocking episode of the season" break, they might just re-snag the bevy of blue-balled fans that have given up after non-stop teasing and no happy ending.
???And boy, do they need it. After the season finale last May that killed off the mysterious Jeremy Bentham, who in the closing shot was shown to be John Locke, conversation exploded online and in person.
???With interest at a peak, we need resolution. We need Britney to soar, not flop around like the flaps below her belt.
???We've watched key players die in heroic last ditch efforts, we've cheered for Desmond as he finally found his lucky Penny. We've watched Claire birth Aaron and later supposedly die and we've felt the tension between Jack, Kate and the ever-shirtless Sawyer live, die, and ride again. And within this epic journey, we're still left with so many unanswered questions.
???What is the Dharma Initiative really doing? What is the smoke monster? Who is Jacob? Why is Charles Whitmore willing to kill to obtain the island? Why hasn't Hurley lost any weight? Who exactly is Benjamin Linus? Why are the survivors (and Locke) being summoned to go back? Will Sawyer ever put a shirt on?
???With J.J. Abrams's incomparable creation creeping upon its 2010 end, viewers crave the answers to the questions that have built up since 2004. This Abrams-induced ride to confusion has been excruciating and addicting.
???Here's to season five bringing answers and season six ending the best show on television's reign without a blank screen and Steve Perry.
???Now go, get lost.
Photo: Courtesy of Laron Fomby
